Strawberry Factory

Why do I have to fall in love with the wrong persons?

2011-11-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

I constantly ask myself this question, “Why do I have to fall in love with the wrong persons? Is it necessary? Are the feelings are a test from Allah or are they just a matter of our own nafs? I wish someone or a scholar could talk and elaborate more on this in the light of al-Qur’an.”

But the truth is, I or any of us don’t need a scholar to explain to us why, because if we have faith, if our relationship with Allah is good, if Allah is always in our heart, if we keep our life busy with the remembrance of Allah, if we practice what the people of taqwa do, if we lower our gaze, if we know what are differences between nafs, dunya and His eternal gifts in Jannah, if we really understand our purpose in this dunya, if we recognize our duty to perfecting our religion and our love to Allah before our love to His creations, if we understand well the concept of worldly pleasures and attachment – we wouldn’t never feel lonely or being rejected, or being wronged or being in the state of broken-hearted because of our unreturned love we have with some random guys we have a crush on, who probably would not realize our existence or could not care less about us. We wouldn’t even fall in love at the first place.

The truth is that – it is actually as simple as that. But we humans always make things complicated. We mess our life up with our own desires then when we fall, we blame life and ask Allah “Why this? Why me?”

Because our definition of happiness is, "When someone we love, loves us back." But we forget about His love, and Mercy that the Qur'an has described, surpasses the love of a mother to her son; the love that He gives and pours on us every single day and night. We don't care about The One up there who always loves us, who always with us to listen to our problems, who returns us His love but so often, we keep His love unreturned.

May He forgive us.

Is there such thing as coincidences? No, I don't think so.

2011-10-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

I always wanted to share it with someone, but never had an occasion to. This evening, reading my lecturer’s story on how Allah help her, prompted me to the idea of sharing this story with others, on how Allah helped me, in a way I would possibly never forget.

Last week, we were asked to do a data collection for our Semantics assignment. We were given only two days to prepare everything, and submitted the completed data through e-mail. Two days for me, has nothing much difference to one day. Considering how heavy and hectic my schedule is, every day is like a dateline for everything. I was really worried, and kind of scared, since I had my first draft done completely wrong and the lecturer wanted us to get the data only from sources where their English is valid (i.e. Reader's Digest). Unfortunately, all the Reader's Digest I used to buy and read was at home, I could not go to the library and used theirs, since they were not borrow-able and I had class from morning until 10 PM! See, I wasn't making up excuses but really, staying there for assignment writing was nearly impossible (if it wasn’t my laziness talking). So I called my friend, and he told me that a friend of us known to be a Reader Digest's collector, but the problem is, it was already near Maghrib and this friend was a boy and stayed in a Boy's Mahallah. Though I was desperate to have one, I, at the same time, was reluctant to call him. I didn't want to trouble him by asking him and making him walk to the centre. Plus, I was on my way to my Mandarin class and the class ended at 10 PM. To ask him to come and meet me at 10 would be very troublesome (for him especially) - I thought.

I went to my Mandarin class anyway, with the worry in my head. Thank goodness it didn’t affect my concentration. But that night, suddenly, my teacher somehow, had a lot of things to say, which made the class ended 30 minutes late than usual. I was a bit restless, because the teacher seemed like not letting us go any time sooner! To those who know me very well, being patience isn't something I am good at. After the class finished, I walked back. While walking, I had this feeling like I wanted to have a cup of coffee (or maybe it was just me, being a coffee addict it), so I stopped by a cafe to buy myself one. Then I walked until I reached a place to sit - my usual spot - in front of the mosque. While I was sipping my coffee, suddenly I saw this FRIEND - the one who collected Reader's Digest magazines - walking right in front of me! I was so happy I couldn't even begin to explain how grateful I was! I thought about all the things that happened earlier - how my classes ended late than usual and how I felt like buying myself a coffee. If it wasn't because of all the events, I wouldn’t be there, sitting at the place, at the same time where he finished his programme - meeting him. And what more surprising was, he had two Reader's Digest magazines in his bag!

I know to some, it might sound like just a coincidence but to me, there's no such thing as coincidences. I had been worried that night, and Allah really did help me. The first thing that came out of mind upon seeing him was, "Allah." I couldn't even believe that was him, as cliche as it sounds but yes it is. He indeed, helped me, and answered my prayer in a way that I would never forget. It touched me really deep that ever since that night, my love for Him has grown even bigger, stronger and thicker.

In tansurullaha yansurkum, If you assist Allah (keep obey Him), Allah will assists you.

Allah is the Great! :)

University life and my role as a Muslim student

2011-09-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

As a student, to not expect getting excellent results is almost impossible. Coming from a middle-class family, to be excellent in education is one of the few things that can make my family proud and improve my family's life. That’s why I seem to always take my results so hard, that I would be devastated it I didn’t get what I wanted.

However, after seventeen years being a student (because I had my first education when I was four at the kindergarten), I have only just learned that education and academic achievements are two things out of numerous worldly attachments that often, many people don’t realize they actually are. Before this, I studied because I wanted to please myself and my parents. To me, getting A’s was what school and university is all about. If I didn’t get A’s or +B’s, I would consider myself have failed the subject. I don’t want to talk this in detail because the reason I am writing this, is not to grieve over my past mistakes, but indeed, to start afresh and redefine what university life is.

University life, apart than its role as a place to prepare students for their careers, it is also a place where students learn. Ironically, many of us have forgotten the latter purpose (which is what university is conventionally known for) as we always see university as a compulsory level before going for our jobs. Whether we realize about it or not, we only regard university and its courses as a place and means to graduate rather than a place and means to learn. Often, students take courses that are easier to score or just randomly pick anything from the list of course as long as they can complete everything quick, rather than taking courses that they can benefit from. Don’t be offended, because at some points, I did it too in the past.

Learning is fard kifayah, and so as other actions that are directly or indirectly connected to it. Indeed, Islam has constantly addressed the importance of learning in relation to being a respected man in the eyes of Allah and His angels. That is why, Saidina Ali once said, “An ‘aql without ‘ilm is like having feet without shoes,” to show how importance is knowledge in building a man’s intellectual. What is a Muslim without knowledge; because with knowledge comes wisdom; and only with wisdom he can rationalize the purpose of Islam in his life, as a human being.

For this semester, and the next semesters and years coming, I have promised to myself to always think carefully on the reason why I take this subject instead of other subjects others would have chosen. To sit down for a while and have a conversation with myself about whether my decisions are based on the right intention that is, because of Allah. Saying, “I do it because of Allah” is easy, because literally, anyone can say or do that. But how am I going to know if I’m doing it because of Allah? That was the question I asked myself. Then I thought for a while about what I said earlier; how noble is a learned man in the eyes of Allah. Acquiring knowledge is highly recommended in Islam and Allah loves people who do so. Therefore, always tell yourself, “I learn this course because this course is knowledge and Allah loves knowledge which can make His servants become more aware of His presence, which can make His servants become respectable Muslims.”

That being said, do not put your hopes on the results. No matter how important is education in Islam, although the means is halal, but if you put it before Allah – it can be something opposite to “recommended”. As an activist (I would call student is an activist that fight for educational causes), do not put your hopes on the results but put your hopes on Allah. This is what I missed before. I always expected too much and by too much I mean, A’s. As said by Yasmin Mogahed, if there’s ever one thing that can define what unhappiness is, it’s expectation! Expectations are what making people unhappy about life and what is making me ungrateful with what He gives. Therefore, for this semester, no more sticking note of list of courses with A’s, because I find targeting A’s is what has been making me expecting too much and putting my hopes on the results before everything else including Allah.

Hopefully, I mean HOPEFULLY, I will manage to reset my mind, my soul, my desire to what I have said and promised. Not because of my parents want me to or not because praises and acknowledgement. That should come second. Renew and recall my intention every single day I enter the class, every time I put my pen on the paper, every time I open the book. "In Islam, it's never too late to change your intention." Thanks Dr. Benoudi, my Usul Fiqh professor for that quote and for remembering me as well. Trust Allah. Again, having that said, it doesn't mean I can take everything lightly and not seriously. Strive for the best, because in Islam, striving is highly recommended too! :)

With bismillah – semester 1 2011/2012. All ze best!

Does combining making up your missed Ramadan fast together with the Syawal six fast valid?

2011-09-04T04:09:00.000-07:00

I have been telling my friends, that the practice of combining making up missed Ramadan fast with Syawal six is not preferable but some of them won't listen. Well, I have a friend whom I had my first opinion from. When I asked her why didn't she combine these two fasts together, she gave me this answer: "If you want to perform a salat, can you make a niyyah of performing a fardu prayer together with a sunat prayer? The same thing goes to fasting for fasting and performing salat is a fardu ibadah." God bless her! :)

I understand such reluctance to conforming to this opinion. This way of combining your fasts is time-saving and easier. Moreover, they believe that a scholar has had his say in it, that a person can get the reward for fasting the Syawal six as long as his fast is based on the niyyah (intention) of performing the making up missed Ramadan fast. However, do they know the validity and status of this fatwa/hadith? It has been known by many scholars as khilaf i.e. an opinion that has its disputes from scholars. This issue has also been pointed out by Imam Muda Asyraf on his Twitter, answering one of his followers' doubt pertaining to the same subject discussed here.

Today, once again, this matter has been discussed on Quran & Science Facebook Page. They have given us a brief, yet a very good fatwa and hadiths to authenticate their opinion. Here's what was said:

It is not valid to combine making up missed Ramadan fasts with fasting six days of Shawal with one intention.

Is it permissible for me to fast the six days of Shawal with the same intention as making up the days I did not fast in Ramadan because of menstruation? - Praise be to Allaah. That is not valid, because fasting the six days of Shawal can only be done after fasting Ramadaan in full.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in Fataawa al-Siyaam (438):

Whoever fasts the day of ‘Arafah, or the day of ‘Ashoora’, but still owes days from Ramadan, his fast is valid, but if he intends to fast this day to make up for a missed Ramadan fast, he will have two rewards: the reward for the day of ‘Arafah or ‘Ashoora’ along with the reward for making up the missed fast. This has to do with voluntary fasts in general that are not connected to Ramadan. With regard to fasting the six days of Shawal, they are connected to Ramadan and can only done after making up missed Ramadan fasts. If he fasts them before making up missed Ramadan fasts he will not attain that reward, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever fasts Ramadan then follows it with six days of Shawal, it will be as if he fasted for a lifetime.” It is well known that whoever still owes days from Ramadaan is not regarded as having fasted Ramadan until he makes up the days he missed.

To make the explanation goes simpler: the rule in which people have misunderstood it as getting the rewards for making up missed Ramadan and Syawal six at a same time probably came from the first sentence in Ibn Uthaymeen's fatwa. You could be rewarded the reward for performing two fasts but it is restricted ONLY for general fasts that is NOT CONNECTED with Ramadan. As you know, Syawal six fast is a fast that is attached to Ramadan, because one can only get the reward if he performs the fast following his Ramadan fast. According to Ibn 'Uthaymeen, if you miss your Ramadan and haven't made them up, you may not get the benefit for the Syawal six fast for you still owe days from Ramadan.

This is by far, the most sound explanation ever given. Hopefully, this can clarify your doubt. Sometimes, in religion, it is better if you don't take the short cuts!

What happens if a celebrity doesn't have good comprehension?

2011-09-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I tweeted this on my Twitter.

If you read it carefully, you will notice two things. First, the tweet comprises of two sentences; one is meant to the person I tagged; and the other one was a commentary sentence I wrote to myself. Second, it was actually an indirect compliment to the person tagged.

By the way, for those who don’t know, the person tagged is a celebrity famous for his character Ayam in Juvana.

I’m aware, that certain sentences could be read and understood in more than one way. I could understand if there is any misinterpretation on that since it was not a direct compliment. It needed someone to read the whole tweet semantically carefully to get what I was trying to say there. I was complimenting the actor for his young look by saying that if I were to be at his age, acting a 17 year old juvenile, people will condemn me. That being said, I wanted to apologize for the compliment itself is a confusing one. Somebody else could have misinterpreted it.

To be honest, I did not expect him to read the tweet because the tweet was not meant exactly to him. It was one of my honest opinions about him, which happened to have his mention on it (if you are a Twitter user, you will know what I mean). To my surprise, the next morning, I received this reply from him:

I laughed a little about it. He obviously has misinterpreted what I said. It is funny how human’s psychology works. If someone had you an essay written about yourself, for example, and the essay has five paragraphs; the three talks about your positive traits, one talks about your negative traits and the last one talks about area of improvement and final compliment to set the final concluding and closing sentence – some people will only read the one that talks about their negative traits and because of that one out five thing, they abandon the other four.

I think, that’s what happened here, that the reason of his misunderstanding could be because his psychology was only attracted to the last clause i.e. tak sedar diri. Or maybe, because of that is only the clause written in Bahasa Melayu?

Personally, it wasn’t because of the response that annoyed me, because as I said earlier, I noticed it was an indirect and confusing compliment and somebody else could have understood it differently. I could tolerate and understand if he was offended, but did he really need to come out with such a harsh one like that? That surprised me a lot. Adding more on that, he is a freaking celebrity! If he was offended with what I said (or to be more general, with what a fan said), such response is strictly unbrilliant, unprofessional and rude.

But whatever it is, after this amusing incident, I sort of could figure out why our entertainment industry has so many dramas outside the drama – misterpretation, misunderstanding and misquotation. I have this thought that has been on my mind for some time but never had a chance to point it out since I never had an occasion to say it, that is, every celebrity should undergo special, extra language for comprehension and mass communication classes.

Dan kepada Adam, apasal la kau nak menggelabah sangat. Jangan cepat sangat melatah boleh? You are lucky I am only an unimportant person to your career. If I am somebody who works in the entertainment industry, this could be on the front page of Pancaindere you know?

Will you look for the silver linings, or the gold ones?

2011-08-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

Many people misunderstand the concept of blessing and punishment. Even I was, once. To us, happiness, wealth and success are the blessings, while sadness, poverty and failure are the punishment. We often have the wrong idea on the purpose of why Allah sends us hardships. Most of the times, happiness is sent not to bless us, but to test us. On quite the opposite way, the sadness, in which many of us usually regard it as His punishment, is actually sent to bless and purify us.

How do we know which one of these things is a blessing, and which one is a punishment? I got this from Yasmin Mogahed’s speech "Hardships and the path to God." She said that a blessing should be able to make you closer to Allah. It is supposed to thicken your faith. Sometimes, it comes as or in a worldly problem such as losing something you love the most. Just because He takes something special away from you, doesn't mean He is punishing you. If after your loss, you find yourself praying to Allah in a way you have never done before, in a way that it thickens your faith and detaches you from the world and its pleasures; it is indeed, a blessing. On the other hand, a punishment is something that draws you away from Him. It doesn’t matter; it could be a failure and it could also be happiness. I have faced both kinds of punishment; the kind that purifies me, and the kind that blesses me. Maybe it would rather be easier for me to explain it from my personal life examples.

Last year, before I started my semester 2 2010/2011session, I watched a tazkirah on TV9, an ustaz was talking about solat hajat. He explained that solat hajat is better performed every day. I have always wanted a good… no; excellent pointers so, I started performing the solat every night after my Isya’ prayer – everyday. Each day and night, I prayed for the same thing, that is, to get excellent results and by “excellent” I meant at least 5 A’s and 3.4 GPA/CGPA pointer. As the semester went, I received quite good marks for most of the tests and assignments hence I thought, “God is answering my prayers.” However, on the day of the final result reveal, I was deeply disappointed with what I got. My result was okay, but because my expectations were high, it was more or less the same as getting all C’s. I was so devastated. I lost hopes and somehow it made me ungrateful. I asked Him, “Why?”

“Why?” “Why would He want to punish me when what I did was right? I did not cheat in examination or copying someone else’s assignments?”

Then this wonderful Yasmin introduced me to this term – false attachment. False attachment is the attachment we make to worldly matters in a way that it makes we forget the real purpose of our creation i.e. to benefit this world for the Hereafter. I was attached to seeking results in the dunya and I prayed so hard for dunya, I forgot about my Hereafter. Day and night, I asked Allah for worldly pleasures. I even cried because I wanted them so badly but I did not cry when asking Allah for a place in His jannah. The truth is, I only said the prayer “Ya Allah, masukkanlah aku ke dalam syurga-Mu dan jauhkan aku daripada belenggu api neraka-Mu” but I was not really praying.

Have you ever sat down and thought, whether what you ask after your prayers is a do’a, or just phrases that you happened to have memorised or practice since you were kids; because you were told by your parents these are the do’a you should recite after your prayers, so you just say the do’a and by the time you realise, you already reach to the last part when you say “Amin”. After that, you fold the praying mat and leave, without really knowing what have you actually asked? That was my mistake. I focus on dunya but no on the Hereafter. Here is a false attachment – my false attachment to this dunya.

The failures I have faced before were the wake up calls from Allah but I failed to see them in that way. Pain and failures are the wake up calls from Allah. Allah is trying to tell me, you, all of us… that something is wrong with our attachments; we might have to reevaluate and correct it before He does.

Now, another way on how to distinguish between punishment and blessing is to look at the results. If the results make you feel ungrateful and make you ask Him “Why?” then it is a sign of punishment. Then again, punishment is not really a bad thing, because punishment is not meant to punish you, but to purify you. I define “purify” as a given chance for you to readjust your intention. When one’s heart has been purified, the person should be able to see what was wrong in his previous doings, where did he put his expectations and hopes on, before he can set it right.

Now, that is a punishment to purify you… but what about happiness sent to test you?

My past experiences taught me that when someone tries to correct us and we feel offended, that hard blow thrown at us is what makes me remember more and eventually, we will learn to accept. What I am going to say next might offend some people. As I said earlier, most people tend to misinterpret happiness for being blessing. Again, a blessing is supposed to move you closer to Him – hold on to that while I am explaining this point; one of the commonest examples I see, is the happiness in having a significant one. Majority of people think that having someone special in your life, whose presence makes you feel happy and loved, is a blessing Allah gives you. Now, if a blessing is supposed to make you love Allah more, will you let him touch you or will you touch her skin? Will you kiss him or her? Will you involve in horny conversation on the phone or sexting? If the relationship is really, a gift and blessing Allah has given you, and then ask yourself, whether are you treating it in the way you should?

I’m not trying to show that I'm perfect. To be honest, I have been in the same situation before, when I was in a relationship where I thought, holding hands is okay. "What could be so wrong about it anyway? I remember Allah, I pray." How ignorant and stupid I was… but I’m glad it didn’t stay long and I thanked Allah for taking the relationship away from me, now I can understand why.

Still on the same issue, if the loneliness of not having a significant one can wake you up in the middle of the night, make you cry and pray to Him, and make your sujud longer, then it is not really a punishment but indeed, a blessing and a gift from the One who wants you to stay closer to Him. If Allah wants to test you, He would have given you a boy or a girl to love but how certain are you, that you are going to past the test i.e. not being attached to the relationship or to him/her?

Yes, being single sometimes can weaken us, emotionally, because it makes us feel unloved. If you ever come to think/feel so, tell yourself, “Allah loves me.” Sometimes, I wonder about His plans but the more I wonder, the more I believe He has something really special for me. "On those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning." Qur'an, 39:10.

Understanding all this made me realize where does the term “blessings in disguise” come from. The blessings don’t have necessarily come after the hardships but it could also be that the blessings have been with us all this while. I want to end this post by quoting this quote from Maurice Setter, "Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold." My Islamic interpretation for this quote is; silver lining is where Allah's blessing is, and gold is what is consuming some of us now – The pleasures of this dunya and our expectations from this dunya.

"What if I tell you, witches and ghost hunters are friends?"

2011-06-19T03:39:00.000-07:00

Frankly speaking, the idea of writing this post has been on my mind for three months already. Being a witchcraft and supernatural fan really does make the thought of writing this post a fun. Charmed was not the earliest magic story I watched but, it was probably the first story that taught me what a grown-up magic really is and how it has evolved ever since the last witch was seen driving on her broom stick. Supernatural, in latter time after that, made me see things that fairy tales may have overlooked – ghosts and haunted spirits. That’s a bit too metaphorical isn’t it? But did I make sense? Maybe.

When we talk about witches and demon-hunters, at certain points, the dialogue will overlap. Logically speaking, witches work with magic, and magic is supernatural power. As a Charmed and Supernatural fan, to avoid comparing between these two shows is like a runway model trying to skip a pair of sexy heels.

First thing that could make a Charmed fan to become a Supernatural fan is, the idea of the good versus evil. Both stories pretty much put the same idea on their storyline; the good guys hunting demons and evil spirits, trying to make the world a safer place for others to live in. The next point in the mutual list is, the connection these good guys have; they are siblings.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige are the Halliwell Sisters.

Dean and Samuel are the Winchester brothers.

Other than the fact that the Halliwell sisters are magical sisters, and the Winchester brothers have the most unusual job on the planet; there is also another thing that makes these two siblings magically and supernaturally bizarre – genetic. Biologically speaking, Paige and Sam are humans with 50 percent non-human blood. The interesting part about this is, Paige’s is half angel (whitelighter) while Sam’s is half-demon. That's like a miniature case of angel versus demon. Fighting demons might give both the Halliwells and the Winchester the same membership but, if you could recall--witches and the Winchester boys; they never get along. If the Halliwell sisters were to be in the Winchester’s world, they gonna have a hard time proving to the boys that they are good witches; because, in Supernatural, witches and witchcraft are never good things.

This kind of job requires skills, knowledge and practice. You can't just step outside and do some mojo on demons. That is suicide without committing one. To be a powerful witch or a skillful hunter, you need something reliable for you to learn, or to refer to. In this case, the Book of Shadows and John Winchester's journal will do you the learning.

The Book of Shadows. The book that existed ever since the time of their great great ancestor, Melinda Warren.

John Winchesters' journal. During season one, two and three, this journal is been frequently addressed as Dean and Sam's major reference when dealing with supernatural threats.

John Winchester's journal is one of the most iconic items in Supernatural. The same thing goes to The Book of Shadows. Both represent the family's legacy and source of information. They contain almost everything they hunt such as illustrations, spells and ways to destroy them. It is undeniable that The Book of Shadows is given attributes that has made it appears to be a powerful book. It is protected and magically crafted. Meaning that, every ink that is ever used to write on the pages will be magically bound to the book. Dissimilar to the Book of Shadows; John Winchester's journal just happens to be a normal journal that any father could write. Nevertheless, the journal is still their Dad’s most valuable possession. Without it, there is no way Dean and Sam could do their job any easier than what they have been doing so far.

The summoning part is one of the exciting parts I enjoy watching. Summoning is the one that gives an intimidating characteristic to shows like Charmed and Supernatural. In Charmed, the summoning rituals are done by placing the crystal stones, with some candles, potion and herbs. In Supernatural, the summoning rituals come in many kinds and ways. One of them is summoning a crossroad demon, which can be performed by placing a picture of the wisher together with some sacred items like bones, etc.

On the side of the summoning rituals are the summoning spells. The spells in Charmed are in English; a bit more poetic than the normal language, but not too Shakespearean. They are a bit too flowery though, for killing demons. Then again, Charmed is about good magic and I suppose, spells of a good magic must sound inoffensive to innocent ears. Even so, the exorcism spells in Supernatural are my favorite. They are in old Latin, or some, as in Castiel’s, are in Enochian. The linguistic alone is bona fide, let alone the recitation. It is so real that I always get uneasy when they're recited, for fear that the real demons will be conjured. Every letter, every word is luring, trying not to repeat it is almost unachievable.

To protect the world from evil spirits is not a matter of cutting a piece of cake. Whenever there is demons, there must be angels. The angel that is guiding and protecting the Halliwell sisters is known as the Whitelighters. The Whitelighters are the guardian angels that are sent to protect the witches. Leo has been watching over the sisters since before the four of them were born. He was a whitelighter before his position was upgraded to being an Elder.

Leo, the Whitelighter. If this is how a witch guardian look like, I'd want to be a witch!

If the sisters have Leo, well, the boys got Castiel – the coolest angel I have ever seen so far (on TV, of course).

Sam, Castiel and Dean. They're holding hands! - Double Aww.

Now, the subject is narrowed down to this question; in what manner do their angels differ? There are a few, but I am just going to highlight on what they wear. The angels in Charmed wear the conventional attire angels usually wear i.e. long white dress with a hood. Whereas, the angels in Supernatural wear tuxedo. Like I said earlier, Castiel is the coolest angel of all. One of the reasons why I think he is – because he probably the only angel who wears trench coat, has a huge crush on meat hamburgers and curses with the funniest curse word ever, “Ass-butt.”

The Elders in their formal clothers.

Look at him, soooo cute! What kind of angel who wears something like that? Aww.

The three sisters and the two Winchester boys are their worlds’ most important badass. They fight evil and save the innocents in ways others couldn’t. The Book of Shadows and The Halliwell sisters are the biggest source of every good magic. Without them, the good and evil will collide. When that happens, the good magic will probably lose and the demons walk free. The sisters must be there in order to keep the world in balance.

On the Supernatural side, here how the story goes: Dean is Michael’s vessel. He is gripped by an angel to save the Heaven, and with Sam, Bobby and Castiel on the battle field, they are going to stop the apocalypse from happening. That's how important are these characters in their own respective worlds. Taking these into consideration, one question is still remained; do they love their job and their lives?

This is most probably the major part that sets these charming San Francisco sisters apart from the good-looking Kansas brothers. The Halliwell sisters, besides kicking the demons’ ass and cooking magical potion for dinner, they do have normal lives. They live in a lovely family’s manor in a peaceful neighborhood. They went to college. They make friends, even good friends. They have their love lives as well as their careers. Prue is a photographer. Piper is a club owner and a mother of two beautiful sons. Phoebe is a successful writer. Paige is just a happy girl who believes in happy endings. They accept the responsibilities that destiny has chosen them with honour. They appreciate the powers given as Heaven's best gift.

Piper, Leo and Wyatt.

Ask Phoebe, she knows everything. A columnist slash a witch slash an empath slash a demon's ex-wife.

In a very opposite sense, Dean and Same hate their lives. They give up colleges and apple-pie lives to protecting and saving the innocents. They pretty much live by riding on Dean’s sexy Chevrolet Impala, digesting unhealthy fat from bacon cheeseburgers in fast food restaurants, staying in cheap motels using fake credit cards, reloading rock salt bullets into their guns, bursting into crime sites with fake FBI IDs, digging up greaves in the middle of the night, making deals with demons and they do all that, without signing up to any life insurance.

Chevrolet Impala 1967.

Samuel Colt's Revolver

"The cops are doing our job. Only what they don't know is, they are suck at it." - Dean Winchester.

Dean might not be powerful or magically talented in vanishing demons, but he’s been to hell. Sam has been walking with Lucifer. They have fought against and with ghosts, demons, angels, The Devil, and even every world’s Gods and Goddesses including Kali and Ganpati – not to mention – Paris Hilton and Mahatma Gandhi. Throughout their years becoming hunters, they have saved many innocents. As for the consequence, they lost some of the people they love. Over the journey, they have seen many bad things surrounding them, enough to make them believe; miracles and good things don’t happen to them. For Sam, once you are Winchesters, then forever you will be cursed. In the words of Dean, “normal things don’t apply to us”. If they had the chance to not being hunters, they would take that opportunity first thing first. Despite all that, they are proud of what they do. To quote from The Real Ghostbusters episode,

“Alright... Look, in real life, he sells stereo equipment, I fix copiers; our lives suck. But to be Sam and Dean, to wake up every morning and save the world, to have a brother who would die for you... who wouldn't want that?”

Ditto!

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P/s: This post is unquestionably long. I thank you, the readers, who manage to read from the title, to each and every paragraphs, and to this note, without skipping a thing (and I mean it, even the photo captions). I had a good time writing it, and I hope you have had a good time reading it.

Healthy skin is confidence

2011-06-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

To have a perfect, flawless and radiant-looking skin is like to have a good-looking partner standing by your side. Either you are going to agree with me or not, let’s face it; healthy skin is confidence.

I have walked with my worst skin condition, and that kind of thing really discomforted me. My skin is very oily, to an extent that it could wipe off the Clean N Clear oil absorbing sheets, clean and clear – I kid you not. Having a bald and wide forehead – it just makes my face looks like a Taj Mahal with a marble dome shining under the sunlight; because the wider your forehead is, the more noticeable your oily skin is.

During my early teenage years, I experimented with a few types of facial products. My first skin care product was Biore’s facial scrub.

My Mom bought and gave it to me, as my skin started to show signs of changing hormones. I remember I was very happy about it. For a twelve year old girl, that facial cleanser was like a symbol of my conformation to femininity and gender hygiene. Another reason was, because it had those little blue scrubs that I found very enjoyable to play with.

It doesn’t take you to be an undergraduate dermatology student to figure out the role of scrubs in facial cleansing. The scrubs in the cleansing gel will work the cleansing process better. Their micro-size and round in shape characteristics allow them to squeeze into your pores and get rid of whatever dirt that will likely to create blackheads in your skin, especially in the area around your nose and a bit below your eye sockets. Every time I apply the scrubs on my face, I find myself unconsciously get carried away by the sensation of having them on my finger tips, rubbing them against my skin. They really make everything else in the bathroom invisible to senses. I like the way how those little grains trigger my head to imagine the microscopic action that happens between the small particles of the scrubs and my skin cells (you know, that kind of illustration you'd see when CSI Hodges scientifically explains you the chemical change that is happening under his microscope). Having that kind of imagination, it sort of helps me to assume which area needs extra massage, and when to stop (which is; when the grains in my CSI-inspired illustration have thoroughly cleansed in-and-out my skin surface).

After a while, only I learned that taking care of skin requires more than just twice per day cleansing. To get a healthy skin, cleansing also needs to be compounded with UV protection day-cream, and something to preserve or enhance its gentleness. I was thirteen when I was made to believe to the stereotype, that beautiful skin is fair-looking skin. So I changed to Fair N Lovely.

My skin did look better and fairer. Then again, everything has its pros and cons. In this case, the con was the unpleasant and unhealthy oil skin production. I had to wake up in the morning, and walk back from the classes in the afternoon, feeling uncomfortable because of the greasy look on my face.

The next few months, I began growing this habit of frequently changing my facial products – Ivy, Ginvera Green Tea, Nivea, and the list goes for another two or three brands. My skin got worse, ugly pimples were growing, blackheads became blacker and with all those things turning my face into a moon’s surface, I couldn’t walk feeling any lesser than that.

I started reading beauty articles and women magazines to find out more about facial and skin care products recommended by viewers. Then I found out about one of L’oral Paris facial care series, Pure Zone.

It was specially designed for young skin aged within 16, 18 to 25. I purchased its facial cleanser with scrubs, moisturizer and skin toner for trial. I was very satisfied with the result. My skin might not look fair, but it was healthy and less oily. To be honest with you, I owe a huge thanks to Pure Zone. If it wasn’t because of it, I would still probably spending most of my times in front of mirror, squeezing pimples.

For the next five years, I continued using the same products. Until one day, I realized how they no longer practically effective on my skin. The beauty myth goes; skin doesn't adapt to the same skin care product any more than two years after regular use. I haven’t really found a sound verification from the real expert on that matter.

Even so, I changed to Simple anyway.

What I can say about Simple is that… it's simple. Apparently, five years of applying Pure Zone products, which chemically contained a relatively stronger alcohol could have made my skin to be chemically stronger to adapt to Simple’s simple nature. The only thing I liked about Simple was its Hazel Face Scrub. It smelled very earthy and natural. I felt comfortable using it that I would dare to recommend its usage together with other type of skincare products. I quit Simple not long after that.

It was hard to determine what product to use next, considering the fact that good quality facial cares usually cost more than what a student could afford. I took my Mom’s advice, that Asian skins need Asian cares. Bio-Essence Tanaka White looked rather agreeable to the subject discussed.

I liked its toner. It was not like any other clear skin toners I have used before. Tanaka White skin toner came in this milky color but lighter than the color of real milk. The liquid density was thicker than normal toners and it was soft, to both my touch and sight. However, there were two things about the products that I found dislikeable to my preference. Just like Simple, Tanaka White’s chemical component seemed too soft on my skin. I couldn’t see a significant change throughout the use. The price was also a bit too unreasonable for an Asian product. The total price of Tanaka White Facial Cleanser and Facial Toner is RM 5 +/- more expensive than the cost I used to pay for the same basic skin care from L’oreal Paris, which was, of more liquid quantity.

After ten years of using six to seven types of products, I still stand firm by the opinion – L’oreal Paris Pure Zone is my favorite. To some people who have used more products than I have, or have experienced the best skin care in the market (read: SK II), your opinions might be different than mine. Despite having said that, I am not denying the fact that my preference will change in the near future. In the meantime, I am letting my skin free from any chemical remedy of a labeled, technology-generated skincare. Instead, I only apply rice milk facial soap twice per day, so that could lower down the chemical percentage from the past product before I start using the new one.

Our skins are biologically created to be different from one to another. Some skins are sensitive to certain chemical compounds that some skins don’t. Due to that, some people will have to give more to get a healthy skin. I have seen some friends who do not have to work much on their skin cares. Be grateful, if your skins are of the kinds that do not grow red pimples, large pores, or produce excessive oil. Appreciate the gift God has given you--that is--the ability to walk in public with the confidence your wear on your face.

Chirp chirp. I'm bringing you pointless updates!

2011-05-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

To start it off, I know you still remember me, and the name of the blog you’re reading here. It’s Strawberry Factory. I’m trying not to start my entry with an apology for abandoning my blog. So let’s just skip that touchy-touchy part.

I know I have been all over Top Shot on my Twitter lately. Actually, I have been all over everything on Twitter. I have fallen in love with Twitter. I woke up in the middle of 3 in the morning and what did I do was tweeting, “Terjaga dari tidur. Okay. Tidur balik.” Just like Blue’s, You Make Me Wanna, that's how I roll. "You make wanna tweet in the middle of the night. You make wanna hold my laptop till the morning light. You make me wanna tweet. You make wanna tweet. Twitter is the first and last thing on my mind." Ehehehe. For your information, on Twitter, we call this #tweetlyrics :P Yeaaaapa. (And that's why Twitter also calls it, pointless babble).

I am just itching to tweet, that’s all. I may seem a bit off the Blogger radar, but trust me, if you pay a visit to my Twitter Land, you’ll see how active I am chirping and flying. In the words of Nelly Furtado, I am like a bird :)

I wanted to blog on the latest show airing on History Channel, that is, Top Shot season 2 but I guess, it is better if I finish with the season first, before I come out with any review. I don’t want to pass judgment; it wouldn’t be thorough if I were to do it now. Apart than that, my life has been awesome. I know for some of you, waking up at 7 AM, the “rise and shine” and “a cup of coffee” tweets, laundry and dishes before 12 noon, 24 hours Astro TV Guide checking, three CSIs episodes per day, four episodes of Leverage per week, Hawaii Five-0 on Mondays, River Monsters on Tuesdays, Top Shot on Thursdays, TLC, AFC and downloaded movies and TV series on extra hours sound unhealthy and unawesome; but for me, it is.

I shall come back with more updates. I have a lot of ideas about things to blog but I just need to polish on my vocabulary and wording. Those ideas have been on my mind since the last few days before I ended last semester. It’s either the writer block or lack of interest to blog or simply I am just lazy (something that I wished to never admit), I have contributed to the major lost in the production of strawberries of this company. Gotta start doing some research and let's hunt the profit together-gether.

So, Espero que pueda verle pronto. It means, I hope to see you again soon in Spanish. (Yeah, thanks Yahoo! Answer).

P/s: Notice the second sentence in my last paragraph, "I have a lot of ideas about things to blog"? I actually, unconsciously wrote "I have a lot of ideas to tweet" in the first draft before I had it edited. LOL.

Jamie Pukka Tukka!

2011-04-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

There are many things I could write on food channels; the food, the chefs, the reviews, the sceneries, the places, the herbs, the adjectives, the imagery olfactory - I told you, there are so many. But for this particular post, I am going to write about Jamie Oliver.

Jamie Oliver is actually the first chef I knew from the Western. It was years ago, when I was eleven or twelve, my Mother was moping the living room floor and I was asked to keep my feet away from the wet floor so I sat down on the couch. The Naked Chef was airing on TV3 at that time. Since I couldn't do anything else except to stay, so I watched the show. That was my first Jamie Oliver's episode :) I remember Jamie was cooking for his friends, it was a menu with mussels and some lemons, and for that season (it was the first season of the Naked Chef) Jamie's house had a spiral staircase and he would glide on it (he still does that whenever he has stairs) and I enjoyed the fact that he hosted the show and did the cooking without being typical and formal hence I thought "Naked" was a humorous way of saying a chef who is not in typical white chef uniform.

I love Jamie since that.

He is not the kind of chefs who does prepared speeches for the sake of cameras. He does things as original as they can be. He likes to keep things simple and local. He curses sometimes and he's okay with that. Well, I am okay with that :) He does not need or use all those expensive and well-designed cooking utensils when he cooks. If you see him on Jamie At Home, you will notice that some of the utensils he uses are old; they are rusty, with some scratches indicating that they are older than a year-age. Not like Nigella Lawson (I'm sorry Nigella's fans) and some other chefs who prefer shining and silver, fresh from the delivery boxes cooking tools. He's professional and that thing sets the quality of his food; not the utensils, or expensive ingredients. Trust me, Jamie doesn't need that.

A simple test you can do to see whether the one that talks food in front of you is a true chef or not is to look at how he handles a knife; the precision and swiftness when he chunks small ingredients, the shapes of his cutting pieces, they speak more than a credibility doesl. You see Nigella with a knife and her cutting; they are sloppy. I don't believe she can cook. But Jamie: wow - that's my word for the precision. Pheeeeeew - that's my word for the swiftness.

Now the ingredients. That's one thing Jamie would love to highlight. Ever since I knew him, I learned a lot of ingredients, the kind of ingredients I would find in my kitchen and those that I haven't met such as rosemaries and cheeses. Technically, Jamie is my dictionary for a chef-wannabe. He also teaches me a few cooking tips and tricks like, onions caramelize crispy meaty staints on pans, use your last finger to taste food, one portion of lemon juice, one pinch of salt and black pepper and one portion of olive oil with the quantity twice more than that of lemon juice for basic ingredients for salad dressings, yadda yadda yadda - Jamie has turned me into a chef without me cooking my first dish, by just that *clicking my fingers.

Enthusiasm is something that you cannot argue with when it comes to Jamie Oliver's. For a chef, enthusiasm does not only apply when you come on a television with a cooking programme. Everyone can do that; I can do that. Just educate me with some tutorial videos and scripts, and roll and action. But Jamie, if you look at him, he does not only cook in a kitchen studio; but he goes out and spreads the aromatic smell of his cooking to public, to strangers even. He can do impromptu cooking by just using a friend's small camping-size pan, a bunsen burner, a pocket knife and anything he can grab from a fresh morning wet market and cook in the middle of that, and have you seen him squeezing the lemons? Oh, you must see him doing that. And the way he bang the chocolate bars and pasta wrappers on the kitchen tables? This guy doesn't need to "Okay, chunk this chocolate bar into pieces" or "Open the pasta wrapper and put the pasta into the pan (while slowly cutting the top of the wrapper with a pair of scissors and arranging the pasta to fit in the pan, politely)" and some other cool things he does. I mean, how many chefs who would go jumping all over to a light rock music, do acrobatic flip in the kitchen, while cooking, and play with their bands before their shows come on air, on an international television? There might be some, but that was AFTER The Naked Chef. We have Bobby Chin, but he is not counted. Because, I say so *Dean's tone to Sammy.

And his enthusiasm has brought him to Jamie's Food Revolution, Jamie Ministry of Food and Jamie's Great Italian Escape, where he travels to almost every European countries in the mission to promoting healthy food to be served in schools for the children and young students. His enthusiasm is shown in a good way. He thinks for the latter generations and he does not go all around sugary food. Sugary and sweet are two different things. Sugary food has the sweetness from unhealthy sugar content, but Jamie's food is sweet because it is made with healthy fruit puree from healthy selection.

Jamie taught me that salads aren't just about cutting your tomatoes and cucumbers into boring, round in shapes and arranging them on a plate with mustard dressing. Salads are more than just greens; they are colourful, vibrant and they can be spicy, or sweet, or sour and they can have crispy chicken or Italiano bread and the dressings can be of anything as long as they are tasty and mild in texture. And tomatoes are more than just a vegetable you cut into pieces and deep fry them.

I just love Jamie. He has improved my five senses to sense more than the things I see on a plate. Food is a friendship and it is a friend to your soul, a complement to your happiness and it can be an additional point to perfection, if you're building one.

And if you see him in Jamie's Great Italian Escape, when he's travelling, unlike Anthony Bourdain, or Bobby Chin, or Ian Wright, Jamie does not travel in an executive chopper or sleep in a five-star hotel. He travels by driving an ugly van that breaks down every ten miles, sleeps in his caravan or sometimes, in a store room, or a fire house where the mattress looks like somebody just got it from a dumping of old room furniture at the back of someone's house. Point for modesty. You earned that, Jamie :)

The adjectives he gives to the food? The description? They are authentic. They are pukka tukka: Absolutely gorgeous. Absolutely delicious. Smoking. Small little fella. Beautifull. Brilliant. Simply delicious. Custardy texture. Smack it into the oven. Get them burned 'ntil golden brown. Give it 'em nice little wash. Nice lil whisk up. Because to eat that in your mouth it's gonna be a dream. If you spill it like what I did, it's okay. Squeeze some lemons, shake it around, pour it on top, happy days!

And with his short tongue?

Oh it's fan-tath-tic! Isn't he the adorable one?

Mom, Happy Mother's Day

2011-04-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is supposed to be in May. Only some countries celebrate it in early April, but the universal date is still in May. Due to my recklesness in verifying the date, I miscalculated the event, hence, this very-very advanced Mother's Day post. And my Mom didn't actually say anything when my Sister wished her yesterday. I am guessing every day is a Mother's Day. I cannot unwritten what that has been written and I cannot undone what that has been done. Thus, please accept my apology with the say, Every day is a Mother's Day. I hope you enjoy this poem. It is nothing, and I honestly took quite some time to find for the correct words and wordings. I am pretty sure that this poem will look and sound more beautiful if I were to have a wider knowledge of vocabulary and a better sense of English grammar :)

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Mom,
Gabriel’s wings’ emerald

Mom,

Your presence, a parfumme splash in an air-conditioned room,

Your wishes, sacred well in a hot deserted desert,

Your smiles, galaxies in the outer space,

Your happiness, a discovery of a long-lost kingdom,

Your spoken words, the sound of a writer’s pen on a paper in early dawn,

Your prayers, the seventh heaven’s orders,

Your advice, an ancient Chinese jade of an Emperor.

Mom,

You're the Queen of My Heart,

You're the wisdom of a raflessia and I am the hopeless insect that stays inside you,

You're a spring and I am the land that you shower,

You are a recipe book, and I am a lousy learner,

You're the sound of the rain drops on the roof that make me sleep comfortably,

You're the hope like green grass in the midst of yellow summer.

You're the spirit in the morning, like a red ripe strawberry on the pancakes,

You're a life's complementary, like a sprinkle of Indian tumeric powders to the curry,

Mom,

Your teary eyes when you're praying for me, like crystal snowflakes under the miccroscope,

Your blessings, the vertical sight of a kid's first step,

Your jokes, crispy like golden honey cornflakes,

Your love, flowing Niagara fall.

Your mercy, a soft forehead kiss,

Your beauty, a seven year old's heart-shape carving on a tree,

Your accompaniment, my amulet,

Mom,

An angel in human disguise.

Mom,
My Everything. my perfection, my reflection, my affection.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

X

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P/s: I am sorry for any grammatical mistake. I know there are a lot but I just can't put my finger on it. I am still a lousy student when it comes to grammar. Tsk :'(

PSS2: angels on earth

2011-04-02T05:10:00.000-07:00

It’s April already, I have no idea.

Today, I want to introduce to you to a group of very exquisitely talented and expressed young singers – a choir group of 5th grade students. The name is PSS2 Chorus. It is a school where music is the subject and the kids are of various kinds of ethinicity and nationality. They are different and even beyond than any other choir groups you have seen so far.

I was first introduced to them about two years ago when Mark Feehily (Westlife’s vocalist) tweeted on his Twitter the link to one of their YouTube videos. I fell in love. For once in a life time, I fell in love with kids. That is rare since I don’t usually fall in love with kids no matter how beautiful or handsome they are. But yes, I did. Then after a while, I stopped watching their videos.

A couple of days ago, for some unexplainable, forgotten reasons I went to search back for their videos. I haven't go through for the details yet so I don’t really have much information to give about them, but it does not take me one day of heavy research to say that they are remarkably astounding; being the only lack is a pair of white wings. They have received comments from celebrities -- Jason Mraz, Perez Hilton, Alicia Keys you name it, and have made many appearances in various events, from local to international including meeting with Oprah, Oscar nominations, and other sort of achievements. Listening to them singing makes me bursting into flowers, especially in this choral piece, Fireflies, featuring Ithacappella:

"How do you spell Ithacapella?" -- "With letters!". HAHA. The teacher is genius!

My heart feels tender I couldn’t resist for a smile and that’s the moment when you’d whisper to yourself, “I wished I could be one of them. I wished I could sing. I wished I had a beautiful voice like them” and suddenly you feel yourself so special to know them even though your voice is no less the same as whatever voice you’d find in a cattle farm.

You have heard something like, no matter how tired the parents are, but seeing the faces and smiles of their children make everything bearable. Well, now I am beginning to understand why. Cheezy cheezy, huh?

You can always go to their blog to get to know them more.

The grandest kudos should be given to their teacher who has been amazingly inspiring and encouraging to the children. The way he makes the children feel so special, not only to his eyes, but also to the world’s, the way he compliments them, the freedom of self-expression he gives to the them, and the way he sets an equal chance for every one of them to become the soloist of every song – he is the guru of inspiration and creativity, and you will understand why some people choose to be teachers. God bless him.

Before I end, I want you to listen to this.

And compare it with this:

What do you think?

Redefine love and happiness

2011-03-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

I am not one of the best examples of grateful believers. I know who I really am and there is not point of me being hypocrite telling others that I am a grateful believer. And I am not proud that I am either. I am not one of those persons whose selves is easily satisfied. It takes a bunch of one whole of world’s efforts to make me see something as a blessing Allah has given to me. My needy soul and impatient desire in the search for instant happiness have clouded my judgments and because of that, most of the times, I believe that I am awake to a series of misfortunate events and broken hopes. I lost count on how many times I cry, how many times I beg, weep, sob, and complain and how many times I say, “I am tired” and “I am giving up”, but it always happens, that in the end, I will end up my cries on the praying mat, prostrating, bowing to God to forgive my words and praying to Him for another light to head me to a better place and peaceable heart, away from being a walking blasphemy, afraid that my words and weakened faith will bend me from the right path.

I know God is listening, because I have witnessed some of God’s most phenomenal ways in answering my prayers, and every time when it happens, I am so astonished that my heart stops beating and my memory will be instantly taken back; back to the days where my heart bled out of misery and my kneels hurt from falling too often that they made me prayed really hard for helps to come. His blessings never fail to make me believe that no matter how flawed and forgetful I am to His words, and no matter how selfish I am that I take my prays seriously only when I am in needing for His helps – He will always answer me. Sometimes, the helps come instantaneously, sometimes they take time. But I believe, whatever that has taken Him or His helps long is either He has written it to be in that way or there is something wrong in me, my intentions and my prays.

Two of the things that have been always there in my prayers are my success in schools, career and --- love. When I read back all the post I wrote about asking people to stop giving me nonsense craps like “ah, nanti jumpa lah tu”, I just realized that it has been nearly one year and how time has flew. Until now, I see no signs of someone coming knocking and my hopes are beginning to fade and it is about time for them to get shattered. I have been wondering why nobody is knocking – not even approaching. Every time I wonder, there are always answers and explanations I make up just for the sake of self-consoling, though I know they are not always helping (or never been helping), but I do it anyway just because it seems like it is the only solution I have. I would explain to myself, that maybe there is something wrong with my face that doesn’t look friendly to strangers and all I can do it to smile more often, and some other bunches of craps I am just fooling myself around with them.

But the more I explain, more pointless it becomes. And when I look at my seniors who haven’t been married at the age of late 20s and early 30s, I tell myself that they might have done and told the same thing when they were young. It scares the hell out of me.

It’s just getting emptier every time I look into. You can call me pathetic for writing this for public to read but I am too ignorant to think about what people say because I am aware of the fact that not everyone can understand the reasons behind everything and not everyone has a strong sense of empathy for someone else’s misery. Most people give lame advice without putting themselves in others’ shoes and because of that, they don’t see the restrictions others are struggling. Because of that you would find things like "there's someone else better for you" or "there must be a hikmah behind all this." they say that because that’s the nearest thing they could grab and the easiest since many have said it. And I swear to God I will start throwing punches to the next person who say this to me.

Unless if God has talked to you about His plans for my life, you don’t say that to me.

And even He has destined me to be with nobody, I will try to live with it because I have learned that not every love and happiness are found in having perfect partners and happy marriages. Some people find love and happiness in their careers; some find them in their blissful relationships with their families and friends; some find them in themselves, being obedient servants to God. When the time comes, I will redefine what love and happiness mean to me.

But if God has set me up for someone that is exquisitely special – the reason He is not revealing it to me yet because maybe He knows if He does it now, there will be nothing much left for me to pray to Him.

Because I have started to realize one thing that keeps me closer to Him is my need for someone to listen to my prayers – and this Someone, apparently, knows million of other possible ways of how love and happiness can be found and cherished.

The name is Black

2011-03-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

This morning, I watched this video of a twin baby boys speaking to one another in the kitchen. Oh my God, they were very, very cute little angels. That may be an understatement but yes, they were! I would have a heart as big as the whole universe if I were to be the mother of that pair of Heaven’s made. They were chatty, and bubbly, and cute and everything. I showed the video to my roommates and they loved it as hell as I loved it! It would be such a nice thing to have cheery-like sweet things like this to start our morning off. Reading and watching this kind of news would be the real sunshine to warm the morning hearts, especially when there is not much thing to laugh about on the newspapers lately with the natural disasters are swinging the world apart, and all those disappointing things that are happening in the country’s politics.

I am beginning to believe that the world is coming to an end. Not that I didn’t believe it before but whenever I came across this the-world’s-coming-to-an-end talk, I had this tiny thought from deep below my head that no matter how soon they say it is coming, that will surely happen years after I die (if my death is due to old age). But as I grow up a couple of months older, I have learned that as fast as a tsunami can swamp one big state and turn it into pre-civilization land with just one little blow, whatever that will happen on the Day of Judgment must be something bigger and more terrifying that what we’ve witnessed. That is a point for all of us to remember.

Another thing that is bothering (well, bothering is not exactly the right word) is this whole thing about Rebecca Black and what’s the name of the song? – Friday eh? To be honest with ya, I am probably the last conscious and civilized human kind of earth who to know about her. I have heard it for like, a month ago and I was like who the hell is Rebecca Black? My first thought is that she is another new big comer in Hollywood and Friday is a movie. That’s what I thought until I went to a friend’s blog and learnt that she is not an actress but a singer – a young singer and this thing called Friday is not her movie, but her song. I wasn’t so sure what’s up with this girl and what she has actually done to the world, because seriously, whatever thing she has done was quite apocalyptic big – I mean the world is spelling her name. Again, I first thought she is one hell of talented and young and beautiful singer (and I honestly thought she was about to be the second Taylor Swift). I read the comments people posted on her official clip on Youtube without first watching the video, so that kind of information sort of set my expectations on what I’m going to find out from her song. So I told to myself whatever is that is, after I'm done watching the vidow I'm supposed to laugh my lungs out. Then I watched the video. After it ended, I started to think... So I was thinking… and thinking… and thinking…

I am not that enthusiastic about songs and stuffs so I don’t really have personaly instincts on how to judge a song… whether it is good, or bad, or really bad (bad as in it gonna make Hiroshima and Nagasaki to explode for the second time).

The reason why I said this is because, I couldn’t find what it is that makes her song or her looks stupid. Is it because of the lyrics, or her voice, or the music? Er, isn’t that kind of telling the whole world that I am pathetic?

I need to seek for some heavenly revelation for enlightenment. I am going to watch the video again.

Honesty is the best policy, no?

2011-03-30T03:46:00.000-07:00

I am bored, and the weather is not doing me any justice either. You see, since the last couple of months I have been devoting my life to Supernatural. Nope. Not devoting my life to supernatural things or creatures, but this one particular TV shows starring Jensen Ackels and Jared Padalecki named Supernatural. And it has never been a day without me watching, at least, one episode of this.

So… why is it am I telling you this again?

Holright. Nevermind. I’m probably out of my mind right now. You see the weather… ah, it’s hot!

And this post is not about complaining the weather either. It is supposed to be the introductory sentence only.

And why I am writing this again?

Okay. I think the reason why I am writing this down only just to let you know that I am not going to delete my blog.

Secondly, I am not going to focus my life only to become a writer. Obviously, me being a writer is just one of wishful thoughts I created inside here (finger pointing at my head).

Thirdly, I don’t want to create any kind of lies or invented a post which is just to show the commercialized part of my life. Urm, maybe this point is a little bit difficult to understand. If you need an explanation or an elaboration on that… well… here it is:

In some of my posts, when I wrote it down, I wanted it to look like it is a post telling everyone and everybody about my life; my thoughts, my feelings, you know that kind of this is my life and I want others to know that it is mine. But at times, I wasn’t honest in my writing, simply because, I thought my life wasn’t that entertaining or enjoyable as others’ (or as what I would want it to look like or be) so I made up something to make it looks interesting. No made up as in made up that my life is this, is that…but made up sentences to make them look interesting. Not in all posts, but in some only. Sometimes, I googled things and a few other terms just to make my sentences look that I have been hooking up with encyclopedias, whatsoever. But the truth it, I’m not. There are things that I mentioned in my post were not existed in my head and some even I didn’t know what the hell they were until I found ‘em on the day I found ‘em on Google articles. Because I am tired (read the post), and no longer care whether there are people who give two craps about my writing, I am so not going to impress them anymore.

Whatever thing I will write after this (or right now), you will see the real mind talking. Whether it is as shallow as drying tomato sauce in cheap spaghetti lunch set, or as dumb as dipping French fries made by potatoes into whipped potatoes, I don’t care.

It seems like I am getting lazier to care about things lately, no?

Ah. It’s the weather I suppose.

Correct me if I'm wrong

2011-03-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

Image courtesy of http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb247/iliveinpjs/hill.jpg

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The last couple of weeks haven't been easy for me. I have been through so many stages and phases more than one could have in a lifetime, you couldn't even begin to imagine. There are holy whispers (trying to imitate Castiel) coming from the groundest land of my heart, telling me that I might have to reset or reconsider some of the plans I have made for my life - sooner than the future is. So don't be surprised if one day, you happen to see me carrying books which titles do not spell

L I N G U I S T I C S

How would you define disappointment?

2011-03-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

Many great men have defined what disappointment is. Some of them believe, disappointment is a must in life, for no life is immune to failures . Some believe disappoinment is a good thing, because it is one of the sorts of wounds that keeps us moving to a higher place. Some believe it is a great one, because only by that great success comes. Some even say that disappointment is needed as it strenghtens ones will to life survival and success.

Whatever the definition is, I believe it isn't so. To their opinions, that's what a disappoinment is. A cold water to a burning metal... thunder-storm to the air... the nurse to wisdom. Well, you can choose one and paste it on your locker or pin it on your study board.

I don't have to do so.

For myself is the disappointment. I have been living to that everyday. I have stopped believing and I have stopped hoping. No matter how hard I try, I fail. I don't know what else to expect and I don't even know where else should I put my expectations. Screwing things up and crying 'til I fall asleep are becoming a routine. I take my handphone and press some numbers and names I recognise from my contact list but I throw it back because I know, spilling it out won't do much difference. Even if it has, how long would you think it gonna last? The sun only rises in morning -- and when it sets down in between the mountains, there are people who are scared of possible things that can come out in the dark i.e. loneliness and emptiness.

Among them, lies me-- waiting to be saved. But it seems like no one is listening.

I'm just tired

2011-03-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I don’t really nothing much to say this time. Just a few announcements. First and foremost, Strawberry Factory will be deleted soon. Nope. I am not moving to Tumblr, as many of my friends have. But I am so-called retiring from writing. It is not that I am no longer interested. I am. But for the first time after three years, I feel like I don’t belong here. This is not my place. I would rather spend the whole night explaining but then again, there is no point of writing one whole page of explanation if your point is to stop writing. It would be ironic, wouldn’t it?

But I won’t delete it now. I feel like I owe Strawberry Factory, bigtime. This blog has witnessed every good side as well as dark side of my life, tears and laughter, my dreams – from the silliest to the most ambitious – it has it all, and for that she has become my best friend ever. To some of (or maybe just one or two) readers who have been constantly visiting my page - I thank you for that.

Secondly, I just attended my last class for this semester. Which is, Presentation Skills and Critical Thinking. Today is the last day for all the classes of this semester. I am speechless and sad. I am not happy. Just -- sad.

I don’t know. Maybe because, in the beginning of the semester I promised to myself that I would improve myself, all out from inside of my heart and every little cell I have in brain. I have tried to be the best. Well, best might be an exaggeration. I would say, as hard as I could, at my healthiest psychological and physiological states, but I still see some big holes here and there in my results. I cannot be every lecturer’s best student – that’s true. But if my objective is to get the best marks for all the subjects I take this semester, I should have become one. And you know how much I love receiving acknowledgments from lecturers but… I don’t know. I am disappointed with myself.

I know I should not give up, especially when the big war is coming – finals, I mean. But, I am tired. I am tired of lying to myself that things will be all right when deep inside me knows that they are not. I am tired of pretending that one day I will become one of the most successful and gifted columnists when the real fact is, every time I look at my essays the only thing I see is empty hope. I am tired of giving myself excuses and I am tired of everything.

And for the first time in my entire life being a BENL student, I feel like I don’t have a future. Some people are very lucky enough to have secured future careers even though they are still sitting on students’ chairs, attending classes morning to evening and complaining on term papers and strict markings. For the first time in my life I feel like my mom’s right about me – that I will eventually end up being a teacher instead. Not that I downgrade the profession. Nope. In fact, I have come to realise that teaching is a noble career. Only that, I want to become someone else in the family. I want to do something different. Something that I can relate to my definition of happiness - travelling and exploring. So I guess, I will have to consider myself staying in home during holidays and take care of my children and my husband’s dinner as a possible future lah– and that is ONLY if I ever get someone to marry with.

In the end of the day, everyone around me will have their own dreams and some of them will get to lay on their dreams and enjoy the comfiest and most scented beds of the reddest roses ever, without having to undergo one-two-three steps – because they are so damn lucky. And one day, I will have to accept that whatever I do, no matter how hard I try – I will always end up being the second, if I ever get lucky. And I will remain at the first step of the ladder and struggle to get to the top when others have already somewhere on the moon.

I don’t know.

I am just tired of waking up to lies and wishful thoughts. I am tired.

We are always beautiful :)

2011-03-08T08:16:00.000-08:00

I am probably 23 hours late but again, I have never been a student to the theory of belated wishes, for wishes are always valid as long as the persons are valid and still seen around :)

Today's, March 8, is the International Women's Day. Hence ladies, today is the day of appreciation the world has given to us for the meaning we give to the Taj Mahal, careers to the poets and song writers, sarcasm to the heart breakers, degree of hotness to the beach views in summers, diabetes to the sweet-talkers, symbol of wisdom against the men who go for blondes, and most importantly, the extinction of grade A pearls due to high demands for the annual Miss Universe's tiara. Yes women, we are so special in the humbleness we show, so unique that it is typical for women to be called as ones, so knowledgeable that we seek experience from the wrong men before reach to the right ones, the quality of wisdom we have that give writers a start to write their novels, so intrinsically sophisticated that no philosophers would want to major us, so popular and attention-grabbing and that's what made Oscar Wilde became so famous; because he talked about us a lot, and we're so sweet and pretty, that's why bees hate us :)

“Men play the game; women know the score”

-Roger Woddis-

Happy International Women's Day!

And life goes on

2011-03-04T17:12:00.000-08:00

This probably the longest time ever, I have ever being off the radar. Myself has got way too busy, almost ridiculous for me to list things down - the things that made me busy. Double presentations, mid-term papers, assignments, and course projects, all was my everyday frenemies. But Alhamdulillah, I have made it all quite well.

I have done with all the mid semester examination and have gotten almost all the papers except Psychology since it was the last paper I sat for. Overall I can say: I did well in most of it. I scored the second highest for my Sociolinguistics and Drama (which I never thought I would), the fourth highest for my Arabic, I didn't fail my Introduction to Fiqh and the lecturer is even being extra nice to us for letting us making up our marks to 15 out of 20 by taking extra questions and presentations, and I got one of the highest marks for my Sciences of Qur'an mid term and second highest for my presentation :)

Apart from that, me and my team have completed our Psychology scrapbook and all those stay ups from midnight to Subuh at the surau was kind of worth it :)

The cover. Made exclusively by ME :)

One of the pages that I made for the scrapbook. The structure of the brain.

All in all, everything was doing okay. I was happy with whatever me and my teams, and myself have made.

This evening, my Drama section performed two plays for the course projects. We're performing Trifles, a play by Susan Glaspell.

Again, the poster was made by me. Pretty isn't it? Hehe.

We had a good time working with one another, though the play didn't work out very well. To be honest, I was actually looking forward for a happier post than this. I went back crying for hours (wasn't that an indication that it didn't work well?). Actually, our play went well but performing a play which we haven't even had a chance to learn in class, and performing next to a comedy play were among the price we had to pay. At the end of everything, it was the comedy play people spoke high of, not us :(

But as usual, we have tried and given out the best we had (it's getting lamer, to be honest) but really, we did well. Only, I wish to never have talked about this at all. But I have too, since it's one of the highlights of the week. And as I have been telling myself...

Other than that, I have been okay (sort of). Classes start on Monday and I can start living my life back as usual. No more waking up to misery or documents and costumes, and group managing and announcements. No more late night stay ups and practices. No more, " I feel like not going to Drama class today because it reminds me off the play that we're doing on March 4th", and no more "Fatin, props macam mana?". Oh yes. See how things and life got clearer and more managable?

That's all for this time. This weekend, is my weekend to enjoy! X

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2011-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

你好，你好吗

Hai, Ni Hao Ma?

We have come to the day; the day where people eat oranges more than the oranges use to make Sunkist in one year, the day where red angpaus with golden Chinese are treated as if they are letters from loyal palaces, the day where the houses are decorated with red tanglungs, accessories of pictures of dragons and flowers, and the day where you'd see a Chinese man who never say hi at you, now is smiling at you :) Everything is new, everything must agree to delicacy and sophistication, no taboos are allowed, and even the furnitures are interior designed by the best Feng Shui expert in town. Fire works and dragons should scare away all ghost and haunted spirits hence, it is the scare-not day. Cheongsam is today's trend and there are of wonderful and vibrant colours and suddenly the usual road become the runway for Shanghai's spring collection. And it is one of the rare days where you could see dragons walking outside your house!

It's not China Town. It's the Chinese New Year!

This year, it's the lucky rabbits.

Chinese New Year has its own nostalgy to my childhood memories, as much as Hari Raya has. I have been living in the same neighborhood ever since I was a baby. When I was a kid, my father used to take me to a Chinese New Year dragon showcase that was once, performed in front of our neighborhood. I got angpaus from a dad's friend who has been living in the house just behind our block for more than ten years I think. We got free oranges, boxes of them, together with kuih bakul. I never knew what was it when I first saw it and my mom told me that's a Chinese dodol. I tried to eat but it was so tough and thick. I remember I was enjoying myself exprementing it using a knife and even the knife couldn't penetrate it. Until now, we still get some of the oranges from them :) But no more angpaus. I guess, rising economic demands have got them to save more for their families. Hehe. But it's okay :)

A wise Chinese once said (this is taken from my Facebook status): the woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain. Because of that women, never care about your ages. They don't do you anything except change their digits for every new year.

Hence, Happy New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai! :)

Zee Cine Award 2011

2011-01-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

Listen to this song while reading this :)

It has been quite a long time since I talked about Bollywood and its sparkling filming industry. Tonight, I am back being me like I was three years ago. Every time the name Shah Rukh Khan or Hindi were mentioned, everyone looked at me with that smile as if they’re telling me, “Fatin, that’s your thing.”

The Zee Cine Award is back. This time, they’re in Singapore. The event started with big names being interviewed on the red carpet, such as Arbaaz Khan, Rima Sen, Deepika Padukone. I had this maniac-ness screaming as Shah Rukh Khan was seen on the screen. And as I am writing this, my eyes are paying attention to the show while my right hand is once in three minutes, busy jotting down the winners of the awards (and multitasking is not recommended because I just missed an award where the winner thanked Aishwayra Rai “for dancing it very nicely”. I’m guessing, Best Song?).

At the beginning of the interview, most actors predicted the Best Actor would go to Salman Khan. Only three or four people went for names such as Hrithik Roshan and Shah Rukh Khan. Deepika was one of them, saying, “my favorite has always been Shah Rukh.” So I could generally conclude that those who voted for Hrithik and Shah Rukh were either good friends or truly loyal admirers of those actors. My Bollywood data is getting rustier as I am paying lesser attention to the gossips and its latest updates. So, my predictions were Hrithink Roshan for Guzaarish and Deepika Padukone for whatever movies she was nominated for.

So the presentation started by introducing the hosts, Akshay Kumar and Sajid Khan. And I think everyone knows how typical Bollywood is when it comes to unnecessary drama. Well, that was what happened at first. But it went well as they started to highlighting some of the most await awards with competing votes such as Shah Rukh Khan for Best Actor, Hrithik Roshan for International Icon, Deepika Padukone and Sonakshi Sinha as the rising actresses and of course, the biggest movie of the year; Dabangg. But the most appealing scene I enjoyed the most was watching Deepika Padukone, Karan Johar, Hrithik Roshan, Suhanna Roshan, Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri filling up the seats on the first row :) It's like "Woah. VVIPs. Front seats!"

Okay. Let’s no drag the introduction any further. It’s time to get the real business on the table. Instead of talking about all the winners and nominations, I am selecting only a few from the list. If you wanna know the full list of who was nominated and who won, visit bollywoodhungama.com for details :)

The performances were fantastic. Performing to introducing all the nominations for the night’s Best Movie, was Priyanka Chopra and she took the roles given brilliantly. The first performance was her, performing the song taken from the movie, Dabangg.

Wearing India’s khaki police uniform and the black shades (the icon of the country’s policemen), she walked like a true man of India's force. Next role, she switched herself, with back pack, ankle-length pants and short hair, playing Shah Rukh’s role in My Name Is Khan.

She proved to the everyone the same thing that made her won the Best Newcomer Female Actress ten years ago, that she’s truly a gifted and versatile actress. And of course, the rest of the performances, she did that, with a huge applause of amazement from the audience. *Clap!

As I said, I was expecting Hrithik to win the trophy for the Best Actor in Leading Role for Guzaarish. I haven't had the chance to watch to movie yet, but I have read overflowing positive remarks about the movie. Thus, my assumption was - Sanjay would make a hit once again this year.

Iamge courtesy of bollywood-desi-movies.blogspot.com

And even only by watching the trailer of it, everyone would know it is an incredible one, considering the three names who were hugely responsible in the making of it – Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai, and Sanjay Leela Bansali. That’s a set of influential names in the industry to be reckoned. For those who don’t know about Sanjay Leela Bansali, he’s like the late Yasmin Ahmad of India. He makes high quality movies which don’t really require high-demand actors, but with strong scripts and direction, his works are just phenomenal. Among his well-known movies was the one that was considered the best ever being produced and directed – Black.

Are Vah Aishwarya Rai! She won the Jury Award for her performance in Guzzarish, together with her co-partner Hrithik Roshan. Traditional-but-beautiful looking Aishu, with traditional dress and when asked about her look, she said, "Because I'm Indian."

I never knew there was actually a higher acclaimed movie than Guzaarish. I can’t talk much about Dabangg since I haven’t had any idea about the movie but it was the movie produced by Arbaaz Khan and acted by his own brother, Salman Khan.

Image courtesy of meowlife.blogspot.com

Salman Khan in Dabangg.

The movie, as you can see the cover, looks very, very typical. In fact, it is not overestimate if I say, the look defines everything the 80s and 90s had in their movies - the macho police man notoriously known for his moustache, he is the hero to every women and the world-saver and the only uncorrupted officer in India's corrupted system; he can survive from every bullets regardless the distance they're shot and the bullets can’t go through his body and even if they can, he'll survive with the touch of his loved one. - Yes. That's one heck of long definition! But I promise you the movie is a great one, and will soon blog about it once I have my hands on the DVD. But I just have to say this, that Salman, everyone is missing you. Thank you.

The name Sonakshi Sinsa may not sound familiar to you, even to me to be honest. But she’s the rising actress and has won many achievements in just a short time since she first got into this industry. She’s not as beautiful as Katrina Kaif or as charismatic as Rani Mukherji one used to be, but she got the talent. And in Bollywood, to be successful, you have to either be a very close friend to one of the leading stars, or a beauty pageant queens, or a son or extended member to any of veterans, and if you don’t have any of that, you have to be exquisitely talented. That’s what Sonakshi has in her.

Speaking about rising actresses, Deepika Padukone is no exclusion :)

Priyanka, on the red carpet. Looking electrying elegance with her metallic white evening gown. - Image courtesy of Filmicafe.

She began acting three years ago, and was considered freaking lucky to have her debut with Bollywood’s number one King, Shah Rukh Khan through one of my favourite movies by SRK, Om Shanti Om. She took her steps carefully but freely into different directors, has worked with big actors (I mean in terms of popularity and success, not their body sizes) such as Saif Ali Khan and Akshay Kumar and has never disappointed anyone since that. In three years, she already became a reputation most actresses of her age (speaking from experience and years of involvement) dream about. For the past 2010 and 2011, she’s the International Icon. Hats off darling!

And last but not least, should I talk about My Name Is Khan?

Em, I prefer to make it brief. Well, I am disappointed that Kajol didn’t win for the Best Actress but then again, Vidya did well in Ishiqa (and in fact, better to certain sides). To be frank, I would say the movie is good and well-directed. But I’m getting accustomed to Karan’s tricks so, I didn’t buy much from him, and I expected more, specifically something different in terms of script scene direction. But again, congratulations Karan for winning over the trophy for the Best Director and Shah Rukh for Best Actor.

However, this year’s award was lacking of something which I must say, the disappearance of some of the famous actresses and actors that might have disappointed the fans. Rani Mukherhi, Preity Zinta, Abishek Bachan, Salman Khan himself who was nominated for many awards, Kajol and husband, Kareena Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan, and a lot more faces were failed to present themselves during such an important yearly event, Zee Cine Award.

But overall, I enjoyed some of the moments, and YES! - I was stunned by Shah Rukh’s performance – Noor-E-Khuda. Amazing. Double-thumbs UP!

Shah Rukh during the red carpet interview :)

The show ended and I am still typing. Hehe. And I stick a note on my notebook – must go, find and watch Dabangg and Guzaarish immediately!

Self-development

2011-01-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

Good morning everyone, and Happy Sunday :)

If you guys are the true readers of this blog, you will still remember the promise I made about two weeks ago, that is, to come out with a special post to farewell 2010. Really, it is not a happy thing to say this, because it has never been a happy thing to tell others that you have to break your promises. Yes, I am sorry but this year, there will be no post talking about the journey that grew me to be one year wiser.

Time has not been cooperative to take the same step with me. This week has been a hell of a roller coaster. When someone includes the word hell in their sentences, it’s either to serve as a noun to show place, or as an adjective to show the degree (which is to be, really extreme) of the adjective that comes later. Yes, roller coaster is an adjective, meaning busy. See, that’s why busy cannot be used, because if I were to say this ween has been busy, there’s no adrenaline effect there.

Go to my Twitter account and see the phases I was in six days ago. It wasn’t easy being a full – time student, especially when it comes to his or her worse days. Every class has homework for the next class, not including the works that have already been on the list i.e. readings and preparation for mini – quizzes and in-class discussions. What’s worse, if more than a work is expected to be ready on the same day. Being the student who is an over – thinker and doesn’t like getting sarcasm from the lecturer, I have to make it done, by peace or by force. So four days of weekdays, I had only three or four hours nap per day, having to squeeze out as much as I could, the works given to me, and hand it over to the lecturer the next day. I had a Grammatical Analysis in-group quizzes, Arabic homework two days a week, Psychology readings and feeling unbelievably sleepy for almost every minute didn’t do me any help at all. And to add more tension, I had ten pages of a term paper (because it is a two – person job, so each is responsible to write ten pages at least) that must be done before Thursday. Writing a ten page essay may sound like eating a piece of a cheese cake coated with strawberry jam to you. I know you would think that way, consciously or unconsciously, at least. If you’re asked to write about yourself in a descriptive form, or your favorite hobbies and your dreams when you grown up – yes, it is easy. But if you’re writing about one of the most respected persons in the fields of sciences of the Qur’an, and to give definition of what is tafseer, to give a summary on some of his highly – circulated works, and comparative studies between the work of his translation with the other two kinds of editions – that could have turned your hair white thirty years sooner. But thank God, I have completed all the parts given to me, the whole term paper is almost done and my praise goes to the Almighty :) The due date is today, and after completing everything, a question is raised: where to get a shop opened on Sundays to do the binding?

That’s a tomorrow thing to worry. Right now, I have a post to write, Arabic’s weekend exercises, a laundry, self – therapy (facial mask and a beauty sleep) and a discussion with my Grammatical Analysis members for a group presentation.

Yesterday, Miss Sheena invited her friends from The Stage (i.e. a group performing theaters) to coach us in play directing. The workshop began at 2.30 PM and ended around 6 PM later that evening. The workshop started with a warming up session that was very physically demanding. I made myself memorable by vomiting in front of one hundred students who were warming up at the front view of the HS square. So if you go to HS square, there are stairs going down to the lake below, you’ll see my stomach content on the right side of it (if you’re walking down the stairs). And needless to mention this, that I finally knew how does it feel like passing out. That was my first experience being in that situation, and I’m not proud to tell all this, because it was an embarrassing one.

However, there is a smile in the bucket to enjoy. I know some of you may say, I am making too much advertisements out of some petty issues, but I have my own right to be contended, especially when one of my most-faved contestant from Top Shot posted my blog on his fan page. I have always being pleased to receive replies from my favourite contestants I have in my Facebook (I have a few from So You Think You Can Dance and five contestants from Top Shot), and have always been waiting for Kelly to at least, say something on my posts since he has never replied anything :( But last week, I saw the name on the side of my blog page, which took me a second to disbelief

Even until now, I am still in a disbelief. Notice the typo errors? YES, I WAS VERY EXCITED. The next day, I went to his fan page and saw this:

Imagine youself being a Blogger or a free, unpaid writer, writing things that you thought only yourself could understand, and suddenly your articles were seen on one of your favourite persons that the world has seen. I was surprised, and very delighted, and was wearing my smiles on my sleeves for the entire day. Yes, entirely because of the fact that Kelly Bachand read my blog and postied it on his fan page. That's one thing. Another thing is that; at least I know I am not writing things for a community of ghost to read, because someone else outside my perimeter does read what I write, and thirdly; for a person who is always wondering whether her English is understandable or not, it is good to finally know that it's understood well by others. Because I always doubt whether those who are from English - speaking countries could understand an English written by a person whose grammar and vocabulary are still developing. At least I know I am making sense. The positive remarks I got, were flattering :) I know self praise is no recommendation, but this whole thing is making me aware of what I have in me. It is somehow, a good way to restore whatever that has stopped in making me believe that I have a good writer growing inside :)

Thank you.

New Year, and what else

2011-01-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

First of all, Happy New Year. May 2011 be our best year ever, may the love given and received outshine the downs we had in the past, may good news come showering with blessings and tears of joy, and for the resolutions turn into real-life achievements for the owners, and happy returns to those whom you share your worlds with.

Secondly, I am sorry for such a simple introduction to 2011. I have been thinking since weeks ago about a special post to farewell 2010, but again and again, the time for being creative hasn't come yet. Will do something about it before the week ends. But William Arthur Ward would do just fine for the time being :)

Just some head-ups: I had a very good time spent with Nazreen and Amirul yesterday. Though we were a little disappointed since our plan to meet Hafiz, Shazwan and Zayer had to be cancelled. KLCC was supposed to be the joint centre, but because both of us were from different directions, we had some difficulties to get us in line together with time. We went to KLCC, Pavilion, Times Square, Bukit Bintang and Sungai Wei, and me; rarely/never been in some of the places, came with multiples of "Ini ke Bukit Bintang?! Waaa." and "Eh, kita dekat Bukit Bintang kan ni. Oh, dah sampai Pavilion ke? Apasal nampak lain eh tempat ni?" Yes, lame. Please don't nod, you'll hurt my feelings :(

HAHA!! But overall, I was very contended with what I bought yesterday. Needless to mention this, that I finally had my first Coffee Bean and it was the alluring Ice Blended Caramel, and it tasted like classy Latino guy. Although I know it kind of a bit embarrassing that I stood in front of the counter after I made the order and asked the cashier, "Um, where should I wait for my order?". Because most of people there were already their everyday customers and coffee lovers. That question asked, is like asking what's the meaning of history to a historian. And I bought my very first sushi too! I had twice or thrice before but that was bought by a friend of mine and I have forgotten how did it taste like. This time, I had a combination of sushi; six kinds of them all together. Couldn't recall every name, but I remember salmon, baby octopus, the seaweed (of course. What would sushi be without seaweeds?). And to highlight this fact; there's always a stupid joke happens in my "first time." I often heard the Japanese chefs in Travel & Living told me how spicy wasabi is. Well, the very-spicy I imagined using my brain's taste buds was more like one bite of cili padi. With that knowledge, I mixed all the wasabi I had with me, and when I said all, I mean, TWO packets of WASABI. The moment when the wasabi-dipped sushi reached my tongue, the volcanic effect exploded, bigtime. First sushi, I was like, "Delicious." Second sushie, "Hmm, this is not bad at all." Third sushi, "Um, sedap." (Hesitate to say that, as I was trying to keep my reputation as a food lover sealed). But when it came to the fourth, fifth and sixth - that's it. Only the fillings into the mouth. The rest, sorry-morry.

To Nazreen and Amirul, thank you so much for such a wonderful company. The weather was good-looking yesterday and both me and Amirul enjoyed walking from street to street, passing from traffic light to next. As I joke to Reen about it, "I prefer walking than driving, as it makes me feel being like a tourist, walking in a foreign country." HEHE. I came back with a pair of shoes and a bag, and we're all really satisfied with what we had in hands. While Amirul was more delighted that he managed to control his lust from overspending.

At 6 PM today, Fatema and I will pre-dine together, since I promised to Fatema to show her Yong Tau Fu and food at the Maryam's Cafe. I have finished my weekend's homework and did my laundry earlier than usual. This first days of New Year seem productive and stuffed. Let's make it as a good start to a better year.

Acha to hum chalte hai!

New friends! New updates!

2010-12-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

December 12, 2010

Today, I went to my university’s library to search for reading materials used in my course studies. There also, I met with my Sciences of Qur’an group mate, Mastura who had been there since afternoon. First time knowing her, that was on last Thursday when she sat for the meeting for the first time. Her English is, oh, so mind-blowing, even Dr. Israr complimented hers. Me, sitting next to her; I felt less and little. When she texted me about meeting me in the library this morning, what I had in mind was discussing what are the issues, sub points, as well as the books related to the topic given to us i.e. Muhammad Yusuf Ali: An Introduction. As soon I reached there, I saw two stacks of books and tafseers on the table. First I thought there were the books left by the previous users, but TOT! I was wrong. She has searched, studied, read, skimmed and even done the rough outlines for the topic. I was dumbfounded by her diligence and hard works, and that was a hard slap on my face, for being a lazy-ass lady. We chatted a bit, and from there she told me she is a direct-intake student, who came back from her A Level studies in UK. That would be the enlightenment for her way of working, speaking, and researching. I told myself, starting from that point; I must stop all this lack-of-confidence talks. I must set my thinking to everything is possible.

*******

December 15, 2010

The news I received during today’s Drama class was a shocking one. I was selected by an anonymous, agreed by Ms. Sheena, to be the group’s director for the Drama performance, directing a play called Trifles. The moment when I got that, it was as hard as having a constipation for me to digest considering the fact that I was crossing my finger to not being picked up again for managing a group (after what I had gone through in last semester’s Poetry Music Performance). Me and group managing are never good friends. Me with acting - can never be good friends. But now, I am asked to direct a play; that’s like; a criminal who just received a death penalty from the Sheriff, or a snake is asked to count how many fingers and feet it has. Well, that’s the only analogies I had in mind. But again and again, I am trusted by a lecturer and 18 members of the group. So stop being a cry baby, Fatin! And brace yourself for the challenge!

*******

24 December, 2010

I was down with fever for a couple of days ago, my body was shivering all day, and it takes turn for the worse during the sundown when my body temperature raises up, gives me another reason to spend more time in bed. My room has started to smell like a room of a new mother who just delivered a baby, due to medicine and herbs. I have been wearing a foot patch for detoxification and slimming for the past two days, and that just made my compartment smells more like a shop of an ancient Chinese ginseng and herbs.You really wanna know how many toxic I have in my body? Here the pictures. Please don't faint, please don't throw up!

First day foot-patching; after six hours.

Second day; surprised to see they contain more toxic than they were on the first day. Scary! But that rings a good start to a healthy life! :)

*******

And today, as in the day where this update is posted, I met a foreigner (a postgraduate student from Kuwait). Her name is Fatema. I was sitting on the bench waiting for my laundry to finish spinning, and that’s when she came asking me to keep an eye on her laundry bag as she wanted to go for iced drink. She offered me a drink. I told her I was fasting, and the response she gave me was MashaAllah. She then sat next to me, and we started to talk; starting from my name to her days when she was in the States. When I told her my name is Fatin, she looked very pleased, before she told me it was an Arabic name and her sister (if I am not mistaken. If not, must be her friend) was also named with Fatin. We talked a lot, nearly two hours, and she many times emphasizing how much she likes Malaysia. Because back in her country (Kuwait), it was a desert and the days were hot. In Malaysia, according to her, she sees so much colours and one of the colours that captures her heart the most is green. She’s amazed by the nature of our country and has started considering to stay longer in here. She really loves Malaysia, that’s what I can say. She even called her brothers to come and further their studies here, and she kept on saying that educational systems in Malaysia is as good as the one they have in the United States, or even better. She told me when she was hearing to the lectures, she felt like she was in the States. It was 6.15 PM when I was asking her about her studies in the States, and the rain, without ringing any signs, was pouring down and her eyes looked like she was watching meteors of sparkling diamonds. She looked so content and turned her delight into a string of MashaAllah from her mouth.

The early education she had in the US moulded her English very well, and with such American accent, I felt ridiculous with my English. I stuttered a bit in picking up a few sentences; whether they have to be in perfect tense, or past tense, or present continuous tense, and screwed a lot in my he/she, his/her pronounce. Yeah, don’t be surprised if I tell ya’ my English takes an uglier look when it is brought verbally. But she didn’t look disturbed by my foolish language (or maybe she didn’t noticeably express that), so I just kept on talking, or more like experimenting with my grammar and vocabulary, to see whether she’d understand or not. She’s doing a course under Qur’an and Sunnah Department in IIUM, and much of her friends didn’t favor with her decision of furthering studies in Shari’ah when she could do a whole lot better thing with her good English, with herself graduated from the States. She told me she doesn’t want to be like most of her friends who choose things simply because that’s what their friends are doing, and her decision to learn Qur’an and Sunnah is based on her intention to learn more about Islam. It is true that she’s knowledgeable in that area since she comes from a Muslim country, and her, herself, is a Muslim. But she wanted to learn beyond what she normally sees and has seen - the reason why she becomes a Muslim, why Muslims become Muslims and also to learn Islam from Asian perspective. She could just sign up in one of the universities in Florida but she chose Malaysia because she wanted to experience new things, and plus, according to her, Malaysia is a Muslim country and it makes her feels more comfortable and not afraid of the choices we have here since most of our food is halal. We talked more and more, until we reached the subject: food. She told me about her stomach that doesn’t befriend good with oily food, and I mentioned a few ingredients people in her country might have used. She, again, looked surprised that I know a lot about Kuwait foods, and asked me from where I learnt those things. I told her I watched a lot of cooking programmes on TV, she laughed it off. Probably because she didn’t expect me to learn them from TV. But yeah, I did. She asked me for a dinner someday in Maryam, we exchanged phone numbers and maybe next Thursday one of us will ring another for that matter.

It was very nice meeting her. She is such a kind-hearted and amazing Muslim girl, and it was such a nice feeling to first meet a person whose daily conversation fill with a lot of dua’s. When I texted her I was having my iftar, she replied me May Allah accept your fast. And the whole time when she spoke, I could hear many zikirs like Alhamdulillah and MashaAllah.

*******

I had once asked one of my friends, “After all the years we’ve been studying in IIUM, have you gotten yourself friends from foreign countries? Do you have any friendship with at least, a foreign student; a friendship where you exchange numbers and call/text each other for random talks?”. I really wished I had one, because I don’t know why, foreigners don’t usually talk to me, or maybe I don’t have the personality that could attract them, and I always find myself not being lucky when it comes to random groupings with foreign students. But today, I have made one, and I am so happy.

Lock 'N Reload

2010-12-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

Last time when I talked, I promised to you a post on Top Shot. Well, I have been trying to turn Top Shot into a single essay but as usual, sentences are easier to be constructed at random times, not at the time when I have the New Post box, but most likely the minute I have the show right in front of my eyes.

But since I want to become a good writer, I am trying to make myself least voted for having the most frequent writer’s block. So here I am, Top Shot!

What is Top Shot? You have heard me so many times talking about it, so many times like the days for me for having voice and fingers to type end tomorrow. Top Shot is a new-created reality TV show, which is airing on History Channel every Thursday at 11. The season ended probably two months ago, and started its premiere in the United States one season earlier than History Channel Asia. When people mention to you reality TV shows, judging from the varieties of mushrooming competitions we have now on TVs, you’d probably guess it is something to do with singing, dancing, or since it is Top Shot, maybe it is a show of supermodels competing to win the best shot. You are wrong!

Top Shot is, in fact, a TV show showing 16 best marksmen from all across the country (mainly the US) in competing to win over the grand prize of 100, 000 US Dollars and the title of Top Shot. These marksmen ranging from different walks of life i.e. some are world-class shooters, some from military, competition shooters, and even exhibition and recreational shooters, which the West call cowboys. Sound interesting, na?

The contestants were divided into two groups, simple names; the Red Team and the Blue Team. Each have to battle with different types of weapons ranging from historical firearms like the 73 Winchesters, to modern firearms currently used by the US military; the AR-15, and even the Beretta 92F. Some weapons were even way too old that they're shown in terms of their accuracy, ammo delay, reloading techniques, bullets used, such as the Kentucky Long Rifles which can reach thousands of year old, and even slingshots that have been there since the time before Jesus came and also the long bows that were once became the crucial identity for Medieval English men, including the legendary Robin Hood. This show isn't only introducing me to the knowledge of weapons, it is also, introducing me to some of the amazing contestants whose backgrounds and shooting skills stunned the heck out of me.?

Not only that, the series of challenges they created for the contestants also need to be credited. Say it in group, elimination or individual challenges, all was creatively designed to meet with different levels of every marksmen in countering with different types of weapons as important as for the stamina needed to complete the whole obstacles. The Long Shot, Wild Wild West, Trick Shot Showdown, and The Shortest Fuse are my top-voted challenges for making me lost in my own WOWs. Hammering nails using the Smith & Wesson, Annie Oakley's backward shooting using 73 Winchester on your shoulders, the fierce-looking Beretta Xtrema 2 used by Kelly and Brad for pigeon shooting and firing at 50 kinds of targets set up in a shooting gallery styled in Old West storefront - all these are the best shots I have ever seen in my entire life; some I even had no idea they could be done.

They are all (as I said earlier) 16 contestants, which I am going to list them down according to who was eliminated first. Mike Seeklander is a world-class and professional shooter, whose reputation most intimidated others. He’s big, and has Chief-like attitudes; he gave orders, strategised plans and arranged members in challenges. However, even the eworld-class talents are entitled to unfortunate days; and that’s what happened to him. In the battle between him; a professional shooter versus a rifle protégé (Kelly Bachand) – long shots using rifles, he lost to Kelly causing him to be eliminated from the competition. The next contestants from the Red Team (Mike was from the Red Team) are Frank Campana, a retired police officer, used to work with the FBI in SWAT squad; Bill Carns, a full-time radio DJ, a competition shooter; Andre Robinson, a US army based in South Korea; and Brad Engmann, a lawyer and competition pistol shooter. They were actually more from the Red Team but I am going to highlight them later in my most-faved contestants :)

The Blue Team consist of Jim Sinclair, a historical guns collector whose expertise comes under guns used in World War I and World War II. Then we have Adam Benson, a former marine; Tara Poremba, which happened to be the only woman who made into the competition (I salute you, Tara!), a former marine, a competition dhooter with various awards and currently working with the Police Department; Chris Cerino, a Law Enforcement; and the winner, Ian Harrison from the British Army, and he’s the captain, Sir! Surprisingly, Iain wasn’t the most interesting marksmen they had on the show, and he wasn’t even the one with the strongest bullet. But what made him to be the Top Shot was a bucket of good luck; he entered into the right competition, stood out well in the challenges, minimize himself from the elimination range, fired lucky bullets (which not all the time landed dead on the bull’s eyes, but hit the targets just when he needed them, automatically put him to be the winner).

Okay. Now let’s get down to meet my favourite!

First, Caleb Giddings; also known as The Little Giant in the Blue Team (due to his body size).

Check out his website on the right side under the Factories Run by Celebrities.

But body sizes don’t serve as a losing factor because Caleb and guns work like a Terminator. The reason for his early elimination was not because of his failure in performing well, but mainly because of his personal issues with Adam which put him to the elimination range. Caleb is cute, and with the face I would say resembles to Tom Cruise (if not 100%, maybe a quarter of that; only he’s shorter and doesn’t have anything to do with Katie Holmes, Suri or Mission Impossible) he is surely one of the men I'd pick up for the phone. He is now working with National Rifle Association and he thanked me on my post on his wall (unnecessary entry. I know).

The second and third contestant I favor the most are J.J. Racaza and Blake Miguez, both are the world-class shooters.

From left; Blake Miguez, Colby Donaldson (the host), Kelly Bachand, and J. J. Racaza.

Blake is a Louisiana state champion, owns a name in world’s rankings while J. J. Racaza is a world-class shooter. By saying world-class, I meant he (J. J.) holds the record as the fastest shooter in the world’s rankings, Double Master Grand, whose expertise comes under pistols. Both J.J. and Blake are phenomenal in pistols shootings, and both started shooting ever since they were kids. J.J. is a Homeland Security Agent and works under Firearms Division while Blake is a corporate lawyer slash businessman.

This is Peter Palma, known for his zombies killing.

He has a collection of firearms where he keeps in a security box (which in movies, people usually hide behind a big portrait on a wall, or in a secret place which can only be opened by moving one of the books on the rack). In his audition video, he mentioned that he really loves guns (especially rifles) and some of the guns which he buys from the internet, to him, they’re like Victoria’s Secret which comes weekly. Yeah, Pete. But I like you, still. Pete is a reservist sniper working with the US Marine, and he does plumbing for his living. He shoots very well. Huh, what else would you expect from a sniper?

Okay. So far we talk about marksmen serving for military and government agencies. But this guy,

He works with horses, platers, leather hats and Colt Peacemaker. Denny Chapman is a mounted shooting athlete and a Wild West entertainer. He is a freaking cowboy! For Denny, I love him not only because of his shooting skills, but for his unique background that comes from a cowboy family. He wears his cowboy hats wherever he goes, and he shoots like true cowboys we see in West folk stories. Yehaaa!

And I am saving Kelly Bachand for the last. Kelly, Kelly, my all time favourite!

I could write an essay only on Kelly but I will try to summarise everything into one paragraph, and you promise not to take him away from me. Okay, deal! This is Kelly Bachand. He is the youngest competitor being on Top Shot. He is a 22 year old Engineering student competing with marksmen whose age even half older than him. But he’s having no shortage of confidence or skills. He is a member of US National Rifle Team, and has competed nationally as well as internationally. To make things look more interesting on his side, he was the one who sent Frank, Andre, Brad and two of the show’s professional shooters Mike and Blake out from the competition. His expertise comes under rifles and he does remarkably well with them. He is strong and confident (which most of the time, misunderstood for being cocky). Buy still, I think he deserves for the cockiness, because he does things that people would not expect from a 22 year old boy. In fact, the reason why his team members voted him to be in the elimination range with Mike not because he had a terrible performance during the challenge, but because Mike wanted to compete with the strongest person from the Red Team. Kelly made me feel jealous. At such a young age, he already able to do something big; something that benefits his future; something that makes people recognize him. Not by sponsored make ups, designers’ dresses or branded shoes and walking on red carpets, but by handling weighty guns with bullets that move hundreds of yards per second. He is lucky. I want to be like him someday. As Peter said, he fought like a lion, he fell like a lion.

After finished with its first season, I couldn’t wait for any longer to watch Top Shot season two. This show has moved me from Latin ballroom, to shooting sessions. Once before, I regretted for not training my legs to do acrobatic jumping and samba twist, but now, I am regretting myself for not learning how to shoot pistols and rifles :(

A wrap-up!

2010-12-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

Good morning! It’s Friday, and it’s weekend :)

The new semester smells fresh as new shoes taken out from the box for the very first time. I got to meet a lot of new faces, and have made at least one new friend in each class. I am happy as everything went very well this week. But to say that when things are just a week age, it’s a bit too early, isn’t it?

But hey, positive start is a good start (Though I am a-happy-ending person, I would agree to that for this time I have promised to be a positive person). I am in the classes with friends more than I expected and planned to be. I gotta say this; that I love all my classes (expect one, which I am not going to tell which one).

Let’s start with the location of the classes, shall we? My first class of the week is Arabic, which is located the moment I reach the Centre (if walking from the route near to the lake, behind girls’ colleges), and the venue of the class is in HSC LR 1. It is my first Monday class, starts at 9 and ends at 11. Being in the same class with Hafiz, Siti Naqiah and Izyan, it makes things less difficult and less pressure as I have familiar faces to look at in case if the lectures turn me to bored. I have met both the ustazs that will be lecturing us throughout this semester and both seem nice. The first one who teaches us on Monday is Ustaz Solahuddin from Sudan and the other one who teaches us on Wednesday is Ustaz Fairuz. Not to mention, our textbook for Arabic Level IV is way nicer and thinner. Pheewh! That’s a whole lot of air relieved out.

After that, I have 30 minute gap, where I normally use the time to sit together with Hafiz and Siti at HS Cafe before I head back to HSC Level 1 for my Psychology class. And the class is just five minute walk from the HS café, and three minute (or less) from my Arabic class. In Psychology class, I am together with Siti, Halimatun, Asma’, Anne, and five of six more faces I recognized; some of them were my dorm mates in Nilai, some were from my Arabic III and Sociology class last semester. The next class is at 3.30 PM. Having two hour and a half gap, I spend the time resting in my room, or having lunch anywhere it is affordable and possible, before heading back to HSC Level 1 for Grammar Analysis with Dr. Rozina. Again, the class is located at the same level, a few minute walk from all of the classes I have in morning. Isn’t that very convenient? The class has already made me busy with the readings. In fact, we already had our first presentations on last Wednesday. I was one of the presenters, and the review I got from Dr. Rozina was encouraging. She said the female students (especially those who came presenting in front) were brave and did a very good job. That’s applause to be made. The course; Grammar Analysis is far from what we have learnt in basic English classes about grammar and it’s typical rules of constructing grammatical sentences. From what I read in Chapter One, it discusses about the rhythm, tone, meter (Yes. A bit of Poetry), and also the purpose of writing it is intended for in determining what sort of grammar we’ll be using. I also believe that, one of the reasons of the grammar we apply in our modern English today is not because it makes sentences grammatically functioning, but because it makes words rhyme with the preceding as well as the following words written next to it; making the whole sentence easy and smooth.

The Tuesday and Thursday classes, start with Drama at 8.30 AM. Miss Sheena is teaching us again for this semester. Her as a lecturer with bright personality, friendly and wide-ranging teaching skills, I take her class as my morning spirit :) We will be doing six plays of six different regions and six periods of time, and end-of-semester plays that will be carried out in March. I am looking forward to acting since I never done any of role-and-action thing. When I told everyone about this, they looked surprised because they expected me being a BENL student to act at least one. But as I repeatedly highlight, I am passive and visible to everyone.

My Introduction to Fiqh class isn’t that boring either. The name of my Fiqh lecturer is Dr. Azzahari Awang, and yesterday he already distributed to us our topics for the course works (presentation and written assignment). The best thing about this whole course work is; it is done individually. You know I dislike working in group. I prefer working alone. Not because I am not acknowledging others’ skills or because I think myself is super good enough to carry a bunch of everything alone. But because individual works are less stressful and easy to manage compared to working in groups. Plus, for every mistake (which I never wish to commit) in the given works is my full responsibility. And my topic is; The Main Reasons of Divorce in Malaysia. I noticed Mizah was looking at me and smiling when the lecturer gave me the topic. HAHA. We, in fact, were chuckling about some of the topics he gave, because most of them touched on aspects in marriages such as Justice in Polygamy, The Negative Sides of Polygamy, Nushuz, etc. He gave the topic The Negative Sides of Polygamy to a brother and I silently whispered to myself, he should give that to a sister. HAHA.

Right after Fiqh is Sciences of Qur’an. Talking about convenience, the building is located opposite the building where I have my Fiqh class, which is roughly, five to six minute walk. Finally, I am in Prof. Dr. Israr Ahmad Khan’s class. Usually, for every of the lecturers I am taking with, one of my objectives (besides scoring at least A-) is to seek for lecturers’ attention by pleasing them with my in-class and in-examinations performance. However this time, I gotta leave that behind since he would choose his favourite students by his own i.e. the students with good command of English, and students who speak and give answers brilliantly. I failed to answer his first question, and it is sad for me to know that I am not one of his favourite. It is sort of set the mind thinking. For this round, I only seek for one thing – an A.

I am again, meeting Dr. Maimunah. Not for Linguistics, but for Sociolinguistics; the subject I’m intending for my Master study :) I can see the subject as an interesting matter, because it comprises of two of my favourite subjects; Linguistics and Sociology. I got to learn about cultures as well as the aspects of languages across the globe, and I also got to learn different dialects, languages and slangs; issues that usually trigger the class to speak more. And the happiest news for this semester is that; I can have the entire weekend for myself since I no longer have Study Circle or Tilawah on Friday or Saturday. This semester, I am taking Presentation Skills and Critical Thinking as co-curriculum subject which happens on Thursday night at 8.

Looking from my past experiences, I have come to a conclusion that: semesters with good starts usually end with series of unhappy trails. Nevertheless, just because I enjoy much of everything right now, it doesn’t mean that I am having all sunshine. It is too early to throw the dice on the table gambling for happy ends. At this instant, all I hope is for me to get everything under control; not much of happiness, not much of sadness, just an equal between both. With subjects to busy me, I think that will make me forget a bit of everything and concentrate more on aiming the bull’s eye.

Sets of A.

P/s: I just finished with the season one of Top Shot, and my review on the contestants and overall season is coming next!

I wanna go home! :(

2010-12-12T03:18:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

New semester has started to march me down its journey as I arrived here, in my campus four hours ago. What a long journey, starting from Kedah, to Kota Bharu, Kuala Terengganu, Kuantan and finally my very last stop was set to be here, in Gombak. I don’t know what made my heart felt heavier, as I saw my family’s car leaving the Mahallah area. Everything looked so new to me, as if I am in my first semester, first time having to leave family for such a long period of time. The butterflies that I had in stomach when I saw the first UIAM signboard, and the awkward feeling when I reluctantly had to say bye-bye to my family members seemed unusual and sadder. I have been wanting for the entire family to send me study, because the only persons who have been there with me since when I was in Nilai are Abah, Mama and Dik Hah. But today, not just my whole family, but Pak Jang and Pak Cik’s families were also here (we came all by four cars) to send, and wave at me from the other side of the windows. Maybe that’s the reason for such a weird emotion, that couldn’t even make me cry, or smile. I was shaking, nervous and emotional.

This might be the best journey I ever have since my family and I had the Peninsular Malaysia tour about eight years ago. It has been a very long time we haven’t had a family vacation as my parents are struggling with financial issues, and the rising oil price doesn’t even help us at all. We took off on Friday, from our house, to Pak Jang’s, and then to Pak Ngah's and from there, all of us headed to Terengganu with six cars and a van. Azienna, Alang, Asyraf (my cousins), Faris and I were in a car. We were lucky, because the car was equipped with a DVD player which enabled us to play our own music or movies, and kept us away from boredom for a long day journey, especially when we’re in highways in between the mountains where have no frequency and reception. We arrived in Kuala Terengganu late that evening. The state was beautiful, the places were eye-catching, and the road always made us not want to fall asleep while we’re on it. The batik printings, the songkets, the lights, the smell of kerang bakar and seafood, the hunger for keropok lekor, the sweets, barefooted on the beaches’ sands, the shells we stepped on, the sounds of the waves and the bubbles as they hit the shore – that’s how amazing Terengganu is.

And we left the state, leaving Kak Huda and her new-wed husband, to reach our next destination, Jengka in Pahang. We stayed for one night at Pak Lang’s place and today, as I woke up, I already had butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know how many times I told my cousins, I do not want to go back to my campus but no matter how many times I wished it to happen, even if I hurt my lips chanting the same thing for non-stop, here I am, sitting in my compartment and struggling with my homesickness.

At this time, I welcome this new semester with a brand new spirit that is still progressing to build up, and I am determined to make changes for the better. This semester, I brought back a new courage to seeing more A’s, and I am back to using L’oreal Paris as Simple was proven to be too simple for my skin type. And I’m restricting my taste buds only for healthy food i.e. oatmeal, brown rice, sandwiches for lunch, with dinners not more than three times a week and fewer visits to fast food and creamy coffee blended. With treadmill and jogging shoes as weapons, I am ready to start burning more calories. I had a restless sleep last night after seeing the content of my unhealthy fat on the weighing scale and myself in pictures with extra-skin sandwiched my cheeks and below my chin yesterday. I am more than concerned and right now, all I want is my body I had six months ago.

Two months from now on, I am expecting a glowing face, three Kgs down the scale, and of course, more spirit to study. Fingers crossed!

December!

2010-12-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

Here I am once again. I know it has been a while since I last came up with my idea of marrying a Special Force or a shooter athlete. I am truly sorry for such nonsense thinking. I shouldn’t say something like that, because whom I meant to be with, only God knows well.

And it has been almost a month and my end of semester break has about to set the curtain down the stage, and next semester is only a few day left. I woke up this morning, with the saddest feeling I have ever had since I got here four weeks ago. Not because I missed the premiere of Worst Case Scenario on Discovery last night, though it could be a drop in the bucket, but I am unhappy mostly because today will be my last day for me to enjoy the bits of my forever home sweet home. I have to leave the house earlier than I thought, that is tomorrow morning, as my family decided to take a single route to a cousin’s wedding in Terengganu, before sending me back to Gombak on Sunday afternoon.

Time is definitely acting mean on me. There are still posts I planned to write two days before I headed back to Kedah, including one I planned to write about things to do for holidays, and another one about the good times I had from the courses I took last semester and what were the hidden curriculum I gained. But I never did. I don't know why, maybe... lack of time? Wrong. Lack of vocabulary and sentences to tie up the ideas together? Yes.

Last year, I learnt a couple of new things and one of them surely is about dancing. I promised to myself that by hook or by crook, I must be able to master one of the Latin ballroom choreographies before I get too old to move a simple one step forward. And blogging had been my active state (notice the past participle tense), and due to that, I believed writing is what I meant to do, and I also promised to myself and everyone else, one day, the whole nation will get to see my writing being published next to Best Sellers. However, this holiday made me to rethinking whether I have what it takes to be the one I dream to be; whether I have the right talents that could make my name shines on papers. I have started to think that I do not own any of such factors. You can easily spot good and talented writers by just one or two words from their sentence structures. Their vocabularies outdo your everyday dialogues, their ability to change the words and sentences semantically defy the rules of nerdy grammar, make their languages sound wrong but that’s what makes them so right and precise about their ideas. At his stage, I am still crawling to reach that level when I should already be able to gather a quarter of Blogger’s population.

This holiday also, I find myself excited to something new, i.e. bullets and guns. Precisely, I am talking about Top Shot. Top Shot has replaced SYTYCD’s place that has been my forever number one show before this. My interests change for one to another, and I am easily influenced by the nature of interesting things happen around me. I want to be like Kelly, I want to marry Kelly and the name Kelly Bachand is frequently appears on my Twitter updates. It is also another reason why I am so do not want to leave home. I want to watch TV.

But looking from the bright side of it, I get to see my friends again, having lunch at the usual spot in front of the Ainun’s Bakery, eyeing for hot-looking foreign students who walk pass by my seat place, the cozy couch at the Library’s Light Reading Area where most of my short nap takes place, and many more things await. I gave a ring to Hafiz last night, and he reminded me about the Arabic class we both are going to enroll in together, will be the first class, our first meet for the upcoming semester. If that’s not enough to create a smile on my face, maybe sitting together with Siti Naqiah, Halimatun and Asma in Psychology class would be a hint to a lot of laughter and in-class jokes.

I keep on telling myself that everything will be okay, because it has always been, no matter how difficult the situation I get myself into. To think about it again, it is actually normal for me to be sad as I usually take a few days, or at least a week to settle myself in a new semester, before I start to get all head over heels again. The past experiences taught me, it usually takes a moment for many things to happen before I wake up and realize one day, that everything are happening too fast. When I think back about the posts I made a day before I left home five months ago, it really makes sense.

So it is not a surprise if four months after today’s date, I’ll come out with a post saying, times surely flies; because it does.

P/s: Rats like to fink, aren't they? Adam taught me this :)

Should I put a title on it?

2010-12-01T04:27:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

Okay. Let make things straightforward. I don’t have anything to write and sorry for proving myself wrong about being an at-heart writer. Have been busy with TV and food in the kitchen. If there’s anything I can write about, it’s going to be nothing else but TV shows. Because this is what I do all the time; watching TV. I would love to write about going out for a romantic evening date with my boyfriend where he takes me to a restaurant and you-look-amazing-today conversation, OR maybe having a picnic with friends, and then spending our day off with movies and indulging our fashion sense in flea markets, OR receiving a happy result from someone about something huge that will lead to a brighter life. But the truth is, I don’t get to do all the things said. Because first, I don’t have a boyfriend; second, I don’t have close friends who live nearby and affordable for me to kidnap for a day off hang out with; and third, even if I have them all, my allowance in both the accounts are pointing to zero.

So here we go the updates.

An hour ago I just watched a special reveal made by History Channel on Al-Maunah. Though the reveal didn’t really cover every details happened during the incident (including the tragedy which one of the police hostages was stranded to a durian tree and brutally tortured by the leader with durian shells), I was more than amazed and proud with the heroes of the day, the Field Army Captain, and Special Force 69, Deputy Comando Abdul Razak, who put their lives to danger in making the negotiation possible, without getting anyone hurt. I couldn’t imagine myself being able to gather their courage and bravery to knock down the gunmen, not even 9.99% from one of the respected officers. To be brave with guns and bullets needs the world to eliminate my paranoia about the possibilities of me accidentally hurting myself with my own gun. But to handle a group of armed military? That needs another Normaziah to reborn another Fatin Husni.

And I also watched a few of other exposes on world’s most terrifying massacres, including one about Maguindanao Massacre, which I think the worst cold-bloody genocide ever happened after the one made by the Nazi’s to Jews and Israel to Muslims. And another thing that keeps me longer on History Channel is Top Shot. I have been thinking about bringing up Top Shot in a single post but I thought it would be better if I stay and wait until I finish with the season first, then only I write a review on it. I want to get attached to the contestants, before I start elaborating more on the subjects and I already have a few names in my head, as I speak :) But yes sir, this currently has been my ultimate passion. Top Shot is definitely one hell of shot!

Other than having to babysit my not-babies-anymore siblings, I’m all sunshine and enjoying everything about this semester break. As long as it is weekday, and no football matches (or else I will have to postpone my TV programmes to another time and day because my brothers are difficult when comes to negotiating) everything looks amazing to me. And it keeps on getting better with Worst Case Scenario which is premiering on December 8 next week, and Discovery Channel is revealing 2010’s top shows. I would be surprised if Bear Grylls couldn’t make it, because he is a phenomenon happening outside there.

And the influences of Top Shot and Bear Grylls have lately, made me to thinking about marrying a Special Force, or anyone who can handle guns like rifles or Smith gun, someone that can shoot very well (please bear in mind that terrorists, gunmen and any kinds of maniac criminal are not included). The plan is to marry him, and after a while when we are financially solid, I will persuade him to quit army (if he’s a serious Navy), and resort his career to hosting a TV show like Bear has. Then, I will ask him to take me on TV to be on the show with him, surviving Alaskan or Panama wildness together, and be popular. So generally, I am speaking about killing two birds with a stone i.e. marrying my dream guy who is a survival and weapons expert, and get also to be on Discovery Channel. Since I haven’t met anyone yet, so the doors are open for me to pray for someone :)

High school?

2010-11-21T23:27:00.000-08:00

White and blue uniforms, textbooks left under the table, exercise books hidden in a secret drawer, skipping Sport Day practices, Kedai Koperasi Sekolah, letters asking for extra fees, report cards, stay backs, marching squads, Sunday assemblies, running from on-duty prefects, KSAH boys school, taking turn for washing machines and plugs, hostel food complains, Gardenia's bread with corn cream filling dipped into Milo during rest hours, Converse school bags, weird nicknames and spelling styles on Friendster – those were my high school days.

Everyone has, or has had it. And everyone own different definition for their times. "Sweet high school", "the best time ever", and ask me? Urgh. I really do not want to talk about it, but as you can see and read, I just did, and am doing it right now.

My high school time sucks, BIG time. I was a girl wearing a Fatin 187/2002 nametag. Other than that; I was a nobody, a loner, a freak, and invisible to everyone. I walked alone to the canteen and ate alone on one table. I was not belong to any of the high school groups we ever had during that time; I wasn’t the nerd with thick glasses and big school bags carrying textbooks of all subjects regardless the day’s timetable, I wasn’t the beauty princess or the girl with pink Barbie bag and pencil case, I wasn’t the girl from a well-off families whose Merz or BMW came fetching after schools, I wasn’t the popular girl whom juniors and seniors wanted to adopt me as their SAs, I wasn’t the cadet girl who wore the navy blue uniform of bravery and made the school proud and I wasn’t the band member who brought back trophies from Italy. If myself in secondary school were to be referred to one of the Hollywood’s high school characters; I am the girl you can see in movies with two ponytails, ugly blackheads on the cheeks, glasses with thick black frames, braces, tore jeans, boring sweater, out-dated sneakers, t-shirts of dull colours, sitting in the last row at the back of class, eating alone in school’s canteen and singing the worst song ever happens in industry.

Someone like this,

You know her?

She's the pretty-looking Piper Halliwell in Charmed! That's who I was when I was in high school (when translated into a Hollywood character lah). Not the face, but the characters.

I was almost like the only weirdo of the social high school order. I did my own thing, which was not big, lived in my own world i.e. Planet Mars, worked differently, not uniquely, walked against the time’s cultures, and had the most bizarre likings amongst all. I was not a teacher’s most-faved pet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the teachers remember me, or if some do, maybe just the name, together with a few bad records that I did. I disappointed Cikgu Hatipah (my Additional Mathematics and Modern Mathematics teacher), failed both papers and most of my pure science subjects in almost every of the examinations and tests we ever had. I made myself looking like a delinquent to Cikgu Kartina (my Pendidikan Seni teacher), with my attitudes and artworks that did not seem to sit comfortably with her preferences. I was the biggest absentee in her after-school artwork classes, and some other silly things I did.

The Sultanah Asma School, during my time, had its own Gabrielle Montez and Sharpay Evans. Anak-anak Datuk, the band girls, the athletes, the straight-As scorers, the school’s singers and stage performers; these were the groups whose had the most apparent spotlights. A girl like me, nobody recognized. I had a very hard time to shine, and never succeeded. I tried to pull out the best in me, so that others could see me, but whatever things I did seemed very wrong, and unpractical. With my age numbering along with maturity, I see myself back then as a pure immature creature. I always thought the things I did was cool, but now, every time I think about that, I ask myself so many times; what were you thinking, Fatin? And we also had this one strange social trend among us, which is SAs. I didn’t really know what does it stand for; it’s either secret admirer or sister admirer, but the trends for everyone to have SAs were mushrooming all over the school. If you’re an SA of an anak Datuk, or a drum major, or a Sergeant Major of the school’s Police Cadet, you’ll become everyone’s topic, and everyone would want to kill you for that. Wherever you walk, all eyes are one you, tell ya’. Sadly speaking, I never had the chance to shine and to give others reasons why they should pick me to be their SAs. I was a very boring person back then. Maybe I am still a boring person right now (Yeah, who would want to listen to someone who does not have a music playlist or her favourite Hollywood lines and talks about Discovery and So You Think You Can Dance all the time?) I know, but whoever the person you see me as, is a less-boring of what I was years ago.

And I left my high school with good things that ten fingers could count. Let me see: The good time when I was trained under Kedah’s Fencing Club, I scored 8 As in PMR, the outings to More and Save and Pacific with fellow hostel lives, I had a very great time in Sejarah classes, 6 A1s and 4 Bs in SPM (and not to mention, I got A1 in Mathematics, B3 in Additional Mathematics and that was a pain-in-the-ass struggle I had to go through) and in the end, I made Cikgu Hatipah proud. But on the top of it, one thing that still remains until today is the Oxford’s Learners Dictionary which I bought when I was in Form 1. It has been my most loyal pal; it was there with me when I first failed my Mathematics test, when I had my first Shakespeare’s Life Brief Candle, my English essay homework, my number one reference in Phonetics transcriptions since foundation, my first blog post, whenever I have difficulties in replying texts in English, my quotes on Facebook; it is, my English teacher, and it has been here with me, seeing me growing to the better person I am now.

Am I holding any regret for what I didn’t able to achieve, over the things I should have done and could have done back then? Sometimes, yes I do. But then again, looking at me in the present day, I am a new person; enriched and repainted. Might still just a bit hesitate in my grammar and pronunciation, but I think I am doing a commendable job as a learner :) Probably because I am enrolling in the field I love the most i.e. English Linguistic; the engineering of a language, to deal with writings and accents, away from numbers, formula, critical anatomy of body diagrams, and periodic table (Ah, don’t remind me again to those). I have friends who I can call, sit together on a table and talk to. I have my own set of things I enjoy, and needless to mention, I have my own blog!

And if you ask me, have I ever wished to go back and fix things accordingly? I would love to answer NO. Whatever wrongs I did during that time, have been truly a life experience and without the mistakes, I wouldn’t be able to know how much I have grown up. I am living at this moment, not turning back, and not being obsessed with the future. This moment, this post, on this date, has proven to me that I am no longer a loser.

My Discovery's heroes

2010-11-18T12:50:00.000-08:00

If you know Fatin Husni very well, you will know that she is fond of Discovery Channel :) Well, I do have many other two or three things on the top of my what-I-like list, but for Discovery, it has its own place in my liking. Some of you may say I am nerd, or weird. I get that a lot actually. Even years ago, before I became a passionate fan for this channel, I had the same, typical opinions about Discovery 551: scientists-to-be hobby, nerd stuff, boring science facts, planets, and laboratory experiments. Yeah. True. But it all changed after I unintentionally watched Mythbusters, which happened to be the first thing that introduced me to Discovery and trust me, it was love at first sight :) Very powerful, as people say it is. Because Discovery has their own men, not only famous for their muscles, but brains. I have so many programs which I watch on Discovery such as Time Warp, Fight Quest, Storm Chasers, etc but I am only bringing up three of my most-faved.

Mythbusters

Mythbuster is a show featuring two special effects experts; Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, together with The Build Team – Tori Belleci, Kari Byron (both are working as artists and model makers for movies) and Grant Imahara ( an electronics and radio control expert), or a bunch of people you can call, Einsteins.

What the Mythbusters do is carrying experiments, in order to test the validity of myths, legends, folk stories, and rumours, by using specific and empirical methods (usually dealing with Physics formulas, ratios, and calculations). They have tested so far, incredible and very exciting myths. Some which I recall are the myth having dolphins to swim near you will scare and keep yourself away from sharks (which I find very informative and fascinating, because the myth came back plausible!), the folk story of a man whose head was beheaded by a moving blade of a fan (surprisingly result was busted), can a sword swung from vertical angle cut another sword hold horizontally (busted), can superheroes really able to change their ordinary clothes to superpower outfits within a minute (came back negativo! And I don't know why I am not surprised) and many other myths and rumours which are so real-freaking awesome. Their signature for big explosions, fiery chemical reactions, gun powders, laboratory pigs, bolts, machine guns, beaten up Buster (the poor experimental dummy), bullets fired and whole lot of laughs from Adam; will leave you laughing to bouncing, just like when you’re jumping on a gigantic trampoline. And the best thing I like about Mythbuster is the excitement they make me feel with their entire fire in the hole! thing. As said; it’s another day to blow up something with the Mythbusters. Adam is usually the one I would expect to laugh the loudest in most of the tests that require them to blow up something big, and tends to get more energetic than others when it comes to new things such as big, long pipe used in their quicksand myth, while Jamie repeatedly amazes me with his shooting skill, oh ya, and his charming puppy-like mustache:

Which I sometimes find, really attractive.

Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls

Man vs. Wild. Ah, this show I heart the best! Not only because the show gives me the thing I like to adventure most, but the presenter himself is a good-looking. And he is a former British Special Force? Ting! Bonus point! Man vs. Wild with Bear Grllys is another show from Discovery Network that would make me go crazy on Twitter. Bear Grylls is one of the big influences I have on me, often I find in motivating me to strive harder in life. His survival acts, and never-give-up attitudes are what motivate me and have been the forces that drive me to this level. In Man vs. Wild, Bear demonstrates to us the steps and ways we need, in order to stay alive in some of the dangerous places on Earth and find out ways to reach to the nearest civilizations. Bear has traveled to many places across the globe such as Sahara, South Africa, Panama forest, Guatemala, Nevada, Antartic Mountains, and other places known for their risky landscapes, dangerous predators and unbearable weathers. Here, it’s not only about the ways to escape such situations that excites me, but the stunts and dangerous attempts that Bear does; eating fresh caterpillars, fresh fishes, uncooked snakes, python, drinking an Antarctic bull’s blood, eating a bear’s poo, and eating a zebra's rotten carcass, like this one during his South Africa Mission,

And every time when he finds insects, even as small as ground termites; he would eat them up like popcorns, and… are you ready for this; he even drinks his own pee! Wanna know how does it taste like? (Clearing throat) It tastes waaaarm and salty! Hahaha. But the most interesting part is when he builds his shelter. He would use everything he finds from his surroundings and the results always make me go WOW! The stories of his friends during their times serving for Special Forces are attention-grabbing as well. And after four years of its production, this show has set a trend in US, where people are getting more excited in making such programs such as Dual Survivor and Man, Woman, and Wild. I guess Bear has proven to us that he understood Karl Marx very well, because what he does in Man vs. Wild is the correct translation for Karl Marx’s idea; the survival of the fittest.

River Monsters

If you think alligators and crocodiles are the most terrifying river monsters, you might have to erase that part and reconstruct a new sentence by including selected species of fish. Jeremy Wade knows the answers very well. Jeremy is a marine biologist, an extreme angler and writer whose expertise comes under freshwater lives. River Monster is originally a show under Animal Planet but it is made to be on Discovery Channel in Asia. Pretty much like Mythbuster, River Monster is a show where Jeremy brings us to local rivers where lived most-terrifying freshwater creatures and try to prove the legends behind them and what people have been talking about.

A very surprising fact that I found out from Jeremy in his Amazon River Mission is; piranhas will only bite humans if they sense any kind of panic reactions. So the best and wisest act to do when you accidentally fall into a river full with piranhas is, to calm down and relax (which probably, most of us won’t). The knowledge and passion Jeremy has about freshwater animals are incredible. And his skill in handling types of fishing tools to vary with different types of fish and water wave is, way more incredible. There must be one thing that I like most about a show like this and for this one, it’s the angry sound from the fishes he caught, and the battles he encounters when bringing down giant-size fishes that sometimes can reach his height. If you’re an avid fisherman, I recommend you River Monsters as the parents would recommend their children Teletubies and Sesame Street.

Nuffnang's survey

2010-11-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hi :)

If you think I have not been writing lately, you're wrong. Because I actually, have two pending drafts that are saved in Word. I just signed up my blog to be one of the Nuffnang's, because I am so interested with the adds. They make blogs look like online articles rather than blogspots. In their getting-started steps, they gave me a set of survey questions, which I think good to bring to here since I don't feel like posting any of the two drafts yet. They are not exactly the same questions, I mean the questions still ask about the same responses but the wording are different, because I have inserted a few things so that the answers will look more another-post-from-me rather than administration's-inquiries.

What are the things you usually talk or write on your blogs?

Bloggers usually say thoughts. I don't want to make it to sound cliché so I would go by writing something that enlighten my readers to what I am going to be and what I am like. Things that I dream before I sleep, things that make me happy, things that inspire me (e.g. videos, books, movie characters or dancers), my ambitions and inner and outer conflicts I face every day and emotions.

What are your hobbies?

Blogging would go as easy as eating a piece of cake when I am inspired by something and having the time to do so (having the time meaning, having the time to think, contemplate, write, worry about the grammar, google for pretty photos and quotes, and look at it once it is published and edit it once again). I love watching TV. I wouldn't notice anything else if I have So You Think You Can Dance on, CSIs, cooking programmes, Bear Gryll's adventures on Discovery, and much of everything on FOX, Travel and Living and Discovery. I am, at present, learning to be a lover for good readings i.e. books and novels. I like to search for the best food in town and have the liking to taste food from another culture. I like practicing my English pronunciation when I am alone, that is by taking my Phonetics and Phonology notes which they have in them the correct transcription of the IPA symbols and read it out loud and try to pull out the best Brit in me. So, imitating my speaking in pure British accent is one of my hobbies.

What are the unique things that you think worth for others to jot down? Write something that makes you, you.

I love language and words. I dislike short forms. Too many short forms in a sentence annoy me because they make me not feeling attached to the message that the senders are trying to convey me. I always take note of what I write and never post things on Twitter if it can't reach more than 130 words in a tweet. I see that as my uniqueness because not many view and take language important. I find myself liking to dream of doing something more challenging that what my physical capability is capable of such as military work-outs, sword fightings, surviving in dangerous places on earth, risky samba, tango, salsa and paso doble routines (when in the reality, I have actually never done any of such activities.) I love food, and am a passionate lover for caffeine and I am in a mission to travel the whole globe for the search for the best coffee remedy and food. I am fond of quotes and I would make myself some time to create my own quotes to be shared with others on Facebook. I dislike study groups in examination weeks, merely because I dislike it when in study groups, some will have the tendency to tell others about what they have studied, just for the sake of their own self-assurance, but little they know, that they are pressuring others who are left behind in revisions. Second; this tendency of everyone to point out their says into defining one concept will turn A is A into A is not really A but B and C and D and E or maybe F; that is; making things sound more complicated than what they actually are. Other than that, I have been spending a lot of my time figuring out ways on how to make myself unique and am developing to be unique with bold, solid definitions.

Hi. My name is Fatin Husni. I am just pretty, not extra adjectives. I love writing and am preparing myself to be a food writer slash traveler, the next Samantha Brown or Nigella Lawson or Anthony Bourdain with blogging. I am the eldest daughter, the most paranoid among all, over-thinking, stutter and clumsy in almostevery of my doings, single (boys, please take this to a serious note in your diary and start looking for empty dates for dinners or coffee talks. You know what I mean) and looking for someone whom I will call a sweetheart.

Tell us about your blogs?

It is easy to spot my blog. It is notable for its photos of salivating strawberries on the side of it, ripening red in colour and the name: Strawberry Factory. The label came out of nowhere in one happy morning. This blog have had its time with two names, Desi Girl and Pendekar Bersulam Emas. The reasons of such weird names was due to the phase I was in. Desi Girl was my favourite song from Dostana which I had during the early time when I was a new member in the Blogger family. Pendekar Bersulam Emas came from my sudden determination to bring my identity being Malay, and the beauty of what our culture has to a higher level. I write typically about the things that grow me to a wiser state of myself. I love myself best when I am inspired. I like my posts which are written based on living, simple, daily inspiration.

P/s: I really enjoy being home and I think I'm going crazy with everything that goes on Discovery. Will blog something about it in my next post. Ah. TV is my everything. Period.

2010-11-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

Examinations are the building blocks that stand between me and Blogger. Will be back once I get all the papers done, or should I put it in this way, more precisely - one more paper on November 12 and the entire State of Liberty will be mine to reside in. There is a bunch of things I could just write them down right now but the neorotic thoughts of mine due to examinations are holding my vocabulary behind. I shall do something about it quick.

Love, xx.

When I am in bed, I see...

2010-10-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

Myself in the next couple of years, in one of the universities in England, staying in a cabin of a lovely 60s English married couple, with strawberry and lemon planted in their backyard, revising books on Advanced English Linguistics and a couple of other books of Shakespearean languages, a coffee on the table next to my laptop and a cozy room remodeled at the couple’s used-to-be attic.

When I am in bed, I see myself with friends from all around the world, speaking English with a little pinch of their native dialects, uploading photo album on Facebook with the title; England’s Summer ’16 or England’s Spring ’16, or Mobile Uploads using Facebook for Blackberry with backgrounds of coffee shops in Edinburgh, street of boutiques or in All Saints Avenue or Arlington or Ashbrittle or sometimes maybe if I were to be on my lucky days, you could see me standing next to a few of England’s footballers or Jamie Oliver or Bear Grylls!

When I am in bed, I see myself in a beautiful dress; sometimes black, sometimes white. With golden bangles or bracelets and a vintage ring, with a clutch, it could be a purse also, waiting for my beloved to pick me up to the nicest restaurant or a romantic spot set up by him (a candle light dinner at the seashore perhaps?) and looking at my face a few times in the mirror, trying to figure out which lipstick would suit best to my outfit. Smiling, and I don’t need a blusher for that occasion because you know, my cheeks will always look in blushed pink!

When I am in bed, I see myself in a flight, heading back to my hometown with presents from Venice or Egypt or London or New York or Agra that I bought for my Abah and Mama. A beige or light green jubah with nice weaving in and below the neck, the sleeves and the slit below it. A beautiful abaya from Turkey with weaving made from golden thread for my Mama. And in another bag, I have cotton blouses printed in pink little flowers, tagged made-in-India for Dik Hah and the original Manchester United jerseys from Manchester for my brothers.

When I am in bed, I see myself helping my parents packing up their bags for Hajj and Umrah, seeing Mama picking up clothes from her closet and Dad, talking outside the house to his friends about a kenduri that is planned on the night before they leave for Mecca.

When I am in bed, I see myself with Nikon DSLR in hands, ready for a moment-to-be-remembered with friends, a picnic at the Waterfall Park or maybe days of trip in Cuti-Cuti Malaysia’s Must Visit with my most-loved friends. Singing number one hits by Americans while on the road with Mr. Potatoes in mouth. Crackers! Watching the sunset together, with a friend of us playing his guitar and telling me how time flies and how we have grown up, beautifully :)

When I am in bed, I see myself sipping a cup of creamy dark coffee, with Microsoft Word running, working on my article which to be published in the next edition of New Strait’s Time’s Life & Time. Sitting in a wooden chair outside my house in the verandah, with the sounds of my two babies playing toys in their cradles, and sometimes the love of my life comes to give me a few kisses on the forehead, a massage on my shoulders, pour me another cup of coffee and ask me to take a break for a while. In a sweet home of ours, two cars, enough for the two of us, a kitchen where I cook him the dinner and lunch during the weekends, a room for us where he has me secure in his embrace, two rooms for the kids where I sing them to sleep, a living room where he watches his favourite football players play, where I watch Jamie Oliver, CSIs, History Channel and SYTYCD (still? Oh yeah!) and a door, the place where I welcome him everyday from work :)

And then the midnight falls, I sleep and wake up the next day – a day closer to the days I see every night :)

And I pray on every single day for those days to happen. InsyaAllah.

P/s: And it is hard to say I would rather stay awake when I am asleep. Cause everything is never as it seems, when I fall asleep - Fireflies by Owl City.

Brian Gaynor; a magical poetry

2010-10-12T05:47:00.000-07:00

I was taught that poetry comes in many forms and from how I see things; I could see there is something exquisitely beautiful in dancing. This is one of the choreographies that captured my heart and moved me to tears.

The guy is Brian Gaynor and he first auditioned himself two years ago in So You Think You Can Dance season 3 though I first saw him appearing on this show in season 7. He is suffering from sclerosis, a disease related to the illness in the spinal cord development (sorry if I have the information wrong. I could not find Dr. Gregory House to help me defined) hence, affecting his physical ability. However, this amazing man is an angel. He is magical and glowing on the stage. He even moved the Broadway choreographer, Joew Dowling (the woman who gave him the standing ovation in this video) and the tough Grammy Nominated Hip-Hop choreographer, Shane Spark to tears. That magical.

In this video, he danced to Fireflies, which I must say a prettier chorography than what he did two years ago in front of Mary Murphy, Shane Sparks and Nigel Lythgoe. Looking at him, moving his tiny little fingers and body intricately to the words of the song was a journey to heaven. I cried a few times because of his passion and needless to say, the beauty (even beauty couldn’t describe how beautiful it was) of his moves. He is definitely, a gift happens once in a million years.

Sadly, because of his physical fragility in coping with the other genres of dancing that the judges were afraid, might be too tough for him to follow apart than the trouble in finding a suitable partner for him to dance with, had forced all the judges to give him a sad decision that they could not put him on the show. However, in honouring of what he does, So You Think You Can Dance had invited him performing on SYTYCD season 3 and in season 7, Nigel Lythgoe gave him an uplifting news that the Dizzy Feet Foundation will take him to be one of its startling crews.

Brian Gaynor, you are my favourite poem of the day. I am inspired. All the best to you, xx.

Holding to a dream and faith

2010-10-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

Hello pretty readers :)

I don’t have anything interesting or worthy to be updated by I just had the itchiness to write down something. Reading a blog of a stranger who just followed me on Twitter knocked me on my head that I almost forgot how I promised myself to make blogging as my writing pal.

Today was not that bad. Started my day with Poetry class at 8.30 and we were introduced to two new topics which one of them, Fixed Poem, seemed like giving me another reason on why I should not continue pursuing in Literature. It was not hard but… well, I would rather keep my days simple without formulas of rhythmic letters from up to down and from front to back.

Then something funny happened while I was sitting in front of the Celpad Learning Lab this morning before Arabic class. I was doing my Arabic essay on The Views of Makkah During Hajj when a foreigner guy came and sat down beside me. I gave him a little gaze, just to acknowledge his presence and smiled. He was good looking :) Tried to stay calm and continued writing my essay until a few minutes before eleven. I noticed the time, stopped writing, kept the papers inside my Arabic folder and ready to get up as my class was a few minute to start. Smiled to the man and asked him whether he was waiting for someone, just to be friendly. He nodded, gave me a smile, looked at my folder where I kept my essay and said, “I think you wrote a few words wrong.”

Now that pulled me back to the seat.

With a slight awkwardness, I took out my essay and asked him where and he showed to me one. Chatted with him for minutes and from there I knew he’s a Palestinian and obviously a very fluent Arabic speaker and he told me he had been reading my essay since he got there. Felt embarrassed but I am glad at least I had a reason to be friendly. Well, I love being one since many came to me telling I have a very unfriendly face that doesn’t look smile-offering. He even asked for my essay and wanted to read it. Of course, I didn’t give mine but I gave the one composed by my senior. After all, what I did at that time was copying hers and unfortunately, I misspelled a few words. Laughed at myself for being that pathetic. The guy really made my day.

Finished off today’s class by attending Phonetics and Phonology where Mdm. Zurahani informed us one disheartening news about our mid semester results. It took me a moment to breathe without dropping something from my watery ears. But I told myself that everything will be alright though I found myself not knowing what else to hope for. But it haven’t stopped me from believing that Linguistics is the reason why I was brought to study here in UIA. My fingers are badly crossed, they hurt so much. I want to be inspiring and excellent. I haven’t found what is my real talent yet but I know I am one rusty gold waiting to shine. Prays are the things that would help me to pull through this journey well. I am hoping for the best everyone, and so as others. Keep praying and keep believing that Allah has reserved me something special.

Just a matter of time and that’s all :) xx.

Do you aware of what you write everyday?

2010-10-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

Some people, they are so lazy in their words that they never use vowels in their writings. This includes people who write short messages and short forms. It displeases me actually. It does. And sorry if I come out squirting this out of horizon without any practical reasoning, but someone has to point it out anyway. So let me the first to speak.

I don’t know why but languages, recently has become my number one concern (sorry if I sound like giving a speech on Language Awareness Campaign). I get easily irritated at people who are too lazy in their everyday texts. I used to experience one annoying situation and it happened when I gave a friend of mine a text of greeting and wishes and all I got as a reply was, “nak cakap banyak tapi malas nak tulis. Tapi thanks.” (in short forms that I had to squeeze my left brain to understand, of course) - Exhibit A.

And I kind of a bit peculiar about the choices of words people use every day, especially ones that concern with religion. In Islam, you have basic knowledge of what Islam is all about, then you have simple guidance for you to follow and when you study deeper, the topics are widened and deepened. But don’t ever say, “ala, dia kan ajar benda bodoh-bodoh je.” (And she was referring to an Ustaz who taught us Islamic Faith and Pillars of Iman and Islam). Because you know what? The most basic thing in Islam is what becomes the strongest thing that would describe how strong if your faith.

And I don’t understand why some people can very cold in languages. They are thousands, millions of words in this world but these few groups only choose to write “huhu” or “K” in their message writings. Can you be a little more poetic or at least, if you can’t be one, give more adjectives? Have you ever felt bored being you who have never felt the satisfaction of being able to spell the beauty of life and feelings of your hearts in words and letters you learnt since you were at kindergarten? Why you are so lazy? Instead of just replying “huhu. Thx” to someone who has been working hard in finding you the best words ever just to please you, why not you write, “Thank you very much. That was just beautiful to read. You really made my day. Thanks again and have a good day.”

Isn’t that will cause you tons of books, encyclopedias and 24/7 research in the library?

And I never prefer to write in real-short short forms of short forms unless you are given a limited 140 words per message, because I don’t feel connected reading a message written in real-short short forms. And they don’t even understand their own wacky languages when I asked them back.

It feels like I am reading a fill-in-the-blank text:

“sy.nk.pg.tp.nth.cm.x.plk.huhu.jm.ar.jn.ktrg.” with an unwritten instruction: Use your own letters to fill in the missing letter without distorting the meaning of my texts.

And please end your sentences with a full stop (unless if you're in the middle of very important business). Because reading a message by not having a full stop to end the whole of it makes me wonder if you are sleeping while sending me the text without finalising you words or accidentally pressing the SEND button while you are still composing your texts.

And don’t you reply me with “?” or “…….”. Because I don’t do major in Language in Punctuation and I don’t speak punctuation.

Thank you.

P/S: If you haven't noticed, most of the paragraphs began with "and". Hmm, maybe I should use numbers instead.

Hi October!

2010-10-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

I forgot how did I manage to get myself on Blogger so frequently before. Lately these days, something just had to fit in the space when I was in the middle of transferring my thought to Blogger. Sorry for abandoning my blog. Hi Everyone!

The weeks after I got back from Raya were packed with too many things, too many projects and unfinished business that I hardly could give myself a comfort lay in the bed, even for a night.

Now, the wheels are adjusting themselves safely back on the track and me, happily enjoying every bit of my life with a carefree smile on my face, singing California Gurls every day and waking up in the morning with fresh and healthy spirit of October!

Finals are my next destination and the earliest will be on October 23. I’ll be heading back to Kedah on November 14 or 13. I am planning to get most of everything done within this week. I just finished googling on the poem to be recited in the Pocketed to Memory for my next Poetry project. Setting the summer to be the theme and me think, Indian Summer by Henry Van Dyke should fit in my mood wonderfully. And I also need to take a look once again at the speech for my Bahasa Melayu presentation. Take a wild guess what topic am I presenting? – It’s Bollywood, bah! Haha. Cikgu advised us to present a topic that close to our hearts and easy for us to talk so Bollywood it is. Talking about the home of Shah Rukh first time in class, in front of my classmates whom I barely know must be… I don’t know. But I love being in the place where I could stand alone and everyone is itching to know what is inside the can. I feel, appreciated :) My classes are all okay. I am starting to enjoy sitting in the Lecture Theatre learning Sociology with Dr. Nor Azlan. Phonetics is giving me a new addiction and that is, British Pronunciation. I go back to my room and find myself speaking to myself like a Brits of a highclass English accent and it feels like me, being high on English tea.

I should have gone back to where I were thirty minutes ago and that is, Science of Hadith assignment. Yeah, I know. This post sounds very dull and plain. I have been dealing with too much of thinking that everything has been extracted out but promise you, I’ll come back with something juicy and tasty. You know, the typical advertising lines for Strawberry. Heh.

Have a happy day, everyone. Enjoy the sunshine of October. Over and out, xx.

A taste of Syawal

2010-09-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

Salam Syawal everyone :)

Ramadhan has left us with a new set of memory collection; with friends and families around the table for iftar, food at the bazaars, tarawih prayer in the nights of Ramadhan and the taranum of Muslims reciting the Al-Quran days and nights - some of the lovely things that captured my heart and somehow, sometimes, I wish I could rewind everything back to Ramadhan.

But then again, Syawal is here; the month of great happiness and gratefulness for Muslims after restraining oneself from desires of eating and drinking, bad habits and wrong doings; a month where ones’ souls are purified from black to white, shifted from darkness to brightness. Alhamdulillah, His blessings are still pouring :)

Day one of Syawal was the morning of excitement. It has been always like that since years ago. Takbir Raya was played all over the radios and TVs, mosques and suraus were flooded with women with their brand new kurungs, men with colourful traditional Teluk Belanga, songket and kain pelikat and kids with smiles on their faces. Little did they know about the blessings that were given on that day, except seeing their deep pockets loaded with big sampuls. It was another morning where everyone gathered together for Raya prayer in our neighborhood and as always, my father was responsible to lead the prayer as well as to deliver the khutbahs.

We headed to kampung later that afternoon and stopped by a few houses including Mak Syadah’s who had cooked us the tastiest Nasi Dagang ever, Pak Jang and family in Sungai Limau, Pak Ngah and family in Teloi and some of Abah’s friends at Kupang, Baling. Kampung Charok Kapas, Baling might be one of the places that still carry on the tradition of Raya celebration by placing pelita minyak tanah along the roads, big kawahs of dodol and rendang and the remaining coals used to bake the lemangs left outside the houses. Needless to mention, I received few alarming notes from Mak Long, Mak Su and Kak Na telling me that I looked chubby. That’s okay. But when they linked my weight gaining to myself who’s happy for being in a committed love relationship, it was something I don’t like. I don’t even have a boyfriend, Mak Long!

Day 2 of Syawal was splendid. With orange baju kurung and purple heels, I followed my family to visit some of the houses of Abah’s uncles and aunties, more precisely my late Tok Wan’s brothers and a sister in Kampung Rambai, Kupang and Mak Ngah Nyah’s house at KEDA together with Pak Cik, Mak Su and their families. Pak Tih who came all the way from Perak arrived earlier than us had to take off before afternoon to give Mak Tih a chance to go back beraya in Kuala Kangsar with her Mom. Technology has taken a spot in this year’s Raya. Seeing how socialization works via Facebook and the kids asking one another about owning a Facebook account are the things I heard the most during the reunion of extended relatives. We went to Penang on the third day of Syawal since Mak Su insisted the family to go and visit their new stay. Pak Su was promoted to Sergeant and due to that, the whole family was transferred from Kem Kuala Lipis, Pahang to Kem Sg. Ara in Penang. The next morning, with Pak Ngah and Pak Jang, the convoy made the way to Sg. Petani. Pak Cik Wahab’s wife cooked us delicious Nasi Ayam before we went to seek for a passport to bigger taste of Raya cookies at Tok Tam’s and Tok Cik’s house.

Today is Syawal the fifth. Everything happens right before my eyes. I woke up this morning having pineapple tarts and Nescafe ‘O’ as breakfast. That would make my free pass to enter The Biggest Loser Asia season 5. My body has gained a lot of KGs and I am worrying like a hunted rabbit in the jungle. This year’s Syawal has been awesome and some of the moments have been captured and in the process of publishing them on Facebook :)

However, it feels a little but different as Wan Daud is no longer here with us and it was kind of sad to pull off the room’s curtain and seeing no one in the bed. And also, the murder of Sosilawati has turned the whole nation upside down. The bloods of innocents in the hands of the wicked murderers have ruined the sacred white of Aidilfitri. My whole heart of sympathy to the victims’ families.

The book of Syawal is just six day thick but the moments written in there are like a journal of a full-time traveler. Past things are gone and better things are yet to come. With my warmest feeling, I would like to channel my gratitude and gratefulness to Allah for giving me an opportunity to be a part of this great celebration.

Salam Lebaran, xx.

Beduk Syawal

2010-09-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

Berlalulah sudah Ramadhan, sebulan berpuasa. Tiba Syawal kita rayakan, dengan Rasa gembira.

Anak muda di rantauan, semuanya pulang ke desa.

Saling bermaaf, kita bersama. Lupakan saja sengketa lama...

Rasalah ketupat ini, dengan rendangnya sekali...

Sudilah rasa kuihku, pilihlah yang mana satu...

Lekaslah adikku, pakai baju baru...

Suasana Hari Raya, walau dimanapun jua.

Memberikan ketenangan...

dan mententeramkan jiwa :)

Mohon maaf, dengan zahir batin sekata...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri daripada saya, Fatin Husni :)

My eyes... They are beautiful :)

2010-09-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

Hi again :)

Being home is the best feeling once could ever experience, and it shows everywhere on my page :) After tons of paper works weighing on the table, days and nights keeping up with the lessons, notes, handouts, slide shows, ideas and theories taught in front, the heat, the coldness being in the environment where everything is nothing but a preparation to a better grade is exhausting. I was beaten up that my butt touched the ground hence; I was pushed to the edge, away from blogging.

It feels great to be here once again. When they say home is the heaven on earth, it is not an overrated tale. Being home, my spirit is recharged from red to green, and from negativity to positivity. Last night, I got to watch Exotic Escapades hosted by Anita Kapoor. She is such a lovely woman, with shining personality and sweet English accent. What a perfect set to a good TV Host. A topic I could talk all day long, it is something I want, something I dream.

I am not writing to talk about my dream though. Today is Wednesday. The clock has shifted from 01.03 to 01.04, just in time. I am laying myself on the couch, with the TV on, a mug of Nescafe on the table and Poetry notes are scattered around the carpet and table. Syawal is just one day gap and oh, I’m gonna miss this Ramadhan. My first Ramadhan in UIA Gombak was enjoyable. I got to wake up early for sahur and break my fast outside a few times with friends and those moments have been uploaded on Facebook for public to view :) A few things happened during this wonderful month of blessing and that few things are the things that I don’t want to talk openly on Strawberry Factory. They have opened my eyes as well as my heart to the brighter things and better people; of the thing that I have been yearning for all this while and who I thought I gonna be. It changes my life to a new direction and giving a new light to the path ahead. I’m thanking God for that :)

If you are a fan of beautiful things, Miss Universe is certainly not an exception to your portfolio. Miss Universe and Miss World are two of many other things that I grew up with since I was twelve. Up until to date, my passion is still the same :) last month, Miss Universe has finally chosen Miss Mexico Universe, Xemina Navarette to be officially crowned as most beautiful.

What a stunning-looking lady, one of my favourite winners after Natalie Glebova and Amelia Vega. I have been on Youtube, watching the interviews. You should see her answering the questions, especially the part where she was asked to make sounds of lion, cow, rocket launching, etc. Very honest, very humble, but brilliant. Some of the contestants were just the typical types of bimbos with drop-dead-gorgeous looking faces while some (including Miss Universe Malaysia, Nadine Ann Thomas) were the perfect incarnations of diamonds; beautiful and intelligent. Here as some of the women that cast my votes the highest:

Miss Venezuela Universe; Marelisa Gibson

Miss Russia Universe; Irina Antonenko

Our very own, Miss Malaysia Universe; Nadine Ann Thomas

Second-runner up, Miss Australia Universe; Jesinta Campbell

And to the winner of So You Think You Can Dance season 7, Lauren Froderman,

I would like to congratulate you for proving to the world that our genes are capable of challenging those solid muscles.

Being a woman is one of the best gifts given by God. I can’t dance, I don’t have lovely voice to sing, I am too modest to act, I am not that beautiful either, or pleasant to be with. The truth is that, when I say “I am beautiful just like the way I am” OR when I say “I am golden”, I am telling you nothing but lies. I am forced to say good things about me because, in certain circumstances, people won’t accept you to say negative things about yourself. Sometimes, you tell lies not because you want to hide the truth, but because that’s the only truth you could offer.

But by just being a woman, I am given one golden reason to be grateful and stop whining about not being perfect. Because, "everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it." - Confucius.

With my warmest love all the way from Kedah, xx.

Pelita Syawal

2010-09-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

Good evening mi amigos :)

Since yesterday, I have been receiving texts from friends asking me how it is going with my Raya, but I haven’t yet, managed to reply all of them. Sorry! Most of the times when the texts reach my phone, I am always down the stairs, helping Mom in the kitchen or damaging my retinas with 24-hour TV shows marathon. This is what happens when anak perantauan balik beraya :)

Few days before Raya is the period when all the excitement starts to put up. With some of the cookies are left to be baked in the oven, two or three spices from the secret ingredients of your best pass-down-to-generations rendang Tok Wan hidden somewhere in the kitchen or perhaps few more threads to finish the weavings on your kurung’s sleeves/necks; without anyone to realize, we are actually more excited in welcoming the Lebaran rather than to be in the month of Syawal. Most of us, wake up in the morning of Syawal, jump out from the bed, be happy for the day has finally arrived, pay some visits, eat some foods, go back to your bed on the same day later that night with a feeling of everything you want to do for Raya is all done and wake up in the next morning just like the usual wake-up you have every day until your holiday ends.

I realised this long time before I had the urge to write this down on my blog. A week before Lebaran, or should I say, a week before Ramadhan ends is, and will always be my most, most favourite point to start the heat on and see everything, everyone rushing all over the place to get the things done. When I was a child, today and the next six days would be the crucial time for me and my mother to finish up all those tiny cups of honey cornflakes and almond London, OR hang the curtains that we just got from the tailor who made it on the windows and main entrance OR wait for Abah, Pak Long and Tok Chik coming back from Tok Wan’s orchard down the hill with the greenest and finest bamboos for the lemangs and so much other things that would summarize Anuar Zain and Ellina’s Suasana Hari Raya. Very exciting.

However, as days pass by, years after years, with technology covering up most of the networks, food processing companies mushrooming all over the place and paper works weighing on the tables, we are getting lazier and neglectful in celebrating Lebaran just like the way we did ten years ago. No more Raya cards reaching out our mail boxes, no homemade cookies or lemangs, no more sounds of kids playing mercun on the few nights of Raya and no more men from the mosque visiting from door to door reciting the Takbir on the night before Raya. Everything for Raya is done by the internet sites which provide beautiful e-cards, food processing companies who bake us Raya cookies and instant lemang or nasi impit that are sold in the market and spending the nights of Raya with paper works needed by your boss rather than helping the kids outside the houses lighting up the pelita minyak tanah.

It is sad to know that most of the things that we used to get excited with when we knew nothing about Facebook and text messages are hardly seen being practiced nowadays. I have been always a person who likes the ideas of lighting my whole neighborhood with pelita minyak tanah and sending Raya cards to friends to be parts of Raya and to see these priceless things disappearing right in front of my very own eyes is disheartening.

Hence, I am here, counting the days for Takbir Raya to be played all across the nation again, and hoping that this coming Lebaran would be the same Lebaran I witnessed when I was ten; when everything is the exact same thing told in those old, evergreen Raya songs by Saloma and DJ Dave.

With love, as sweet as my sweet honey cornflakes baked in the oven, here I am, signing off. Xx.

My heart misses you the most

2010-09-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

It smells like Raya is coming and I could tell you modern lights have lost their scores to pelita and lampu lip-lap-lip-lap. Hehe.

With a new day to start with, I am ready to set everything alight and alive. Hi amigos! It has been quite some time since my last update on what with my life and as for that, I am sorry. They say; life is a roller-coaster. I wonder what is that supposed to mean; either life is as draining as the wheels of the roller-coaster OR life is as exciting as riding on a roller-coaster with hair, tudung taken to the air OR life is a journey of ups and downs as going up and down on a roller-coaster. Whatever it is, I am in the pink, prettier and stronger than yesterday :)

I am done with all my mid-semester papers… Let’s not talk about it, except emphasizing on the fact that I will be celebrating my Raya holiday with no worry of revising for the next paper. Having to bring back tons of textbooks and notes to be revised with mind set to television and enjoying the holiday is something I have been dealing for the last seven years and I finally have broken the curse. Carrying only a few assignments and projects as my concerns but then again, hey, Raya is coming! (Jumping for joy. YEAY!)

Right now, I am playing, singing P. Ramlee’s Dendang Perantau, and I have been on Youtube since the past couple of days watching Iklan Raya Petronas:

Oh, and I can already smell lemang and ketupat by Pak Long and Mak Long already!

My bus leaves tonight at 10.15 and honestly speaking, I can’t wait to be coming back home. With new sun shining from the North, listening to the local dialects that I miss the most, the living room where I spend most of my golden time watching SYTYCD, Travel & Living programmes, CSIs, etc, my room where I secretly talk to the mirror about what beauty and perfection are, the kitchen where I head to every day for Nescafe and Mom’s food, AH EVERYTHING! To see everything conforms to the mood of Raya is something else, more exciting, more spine-tingling. Being in the bus heading to Kedah is a common thing I do once in two months of a Gombak life, but when it comes to heading back for Raya, with Sudirman’s Apa Khabar Orang Kampung or Saloma’s Selamat Hari Raya are played repeatedly, it is another part of your diary where you keep memorable and sentimental things under a single, special, once-in-a-year column. Kan?

Kedah, here I come! Xx. Sure

August 24, 2010

2010-08-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

There was a day when I asked myself, “what would it feel like to see you no longer around?” "What would it feel like going back to kampung without having you waiting for us outside the house, at the wooden verandah?" And I had find out the answers by not being able to be there with you, seeing you for the very last time on your very last day. I asked only a few questions, but August 24 and the coming days will answer them all. You knew your time would come, I knew it too Wan. Your time would come, and I knew would cry and weep, I knew I had to be strong, I knew I had to be calm, I knew, I knew. I thought I knew so many things but I was wrong. I wasn’t there when you left me. I wasn’t there when I heard, “Wan Daud dah meninggal” from Mama. I was here, speechless and… wondering. The visits to kampung must be awkward, because there will be no longer tepung pelita and pelepat pisang on the table from us. The tray will never taste the same again; with one plate of porridge and one cup of coffee missing. And I wasn’t there to see everything fell on its place and you, sitting on the chair, with kain pelikat printed in grey and white squares, wearing your white ketayap and white shirt, asking me questions, smiling. I never had a chance to celebrate this year's Ramadhan with you, Wan. I never appreciated those times when you were with me during last Ramadhan. And I have forgotten when we actually sat together, eating dates, or ketupat, or pulut durian or those times when you watched us baking the lemangs and cooking the rendang for Raya. If only I knew that would be our last Ramadhan and Syawal, I would have… But how would I know?

My grandfather, Mad Daud, passed away on 24th of August 2010 and was buried Tanah Perkuburan near Kampung Charok Kapas, Kupang, Baling, Kedah. May your soul rest in peace, Wan Daud. You will be deeply missed and I will always pray for you. Al-Fatihah.

Welcome back, Ramadhan!

2010-08-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

These two weeks have been good to bad, awesome to horrible. Speaking about life is unpredictable and unexpected? Nah, here you go mine: Exhibit A. I have been writing for many times, approximately four times on Word, with the hope that at the end, everything written could be seen here. But something went wrong with my linguistic and creativity signals. They didn’t function well, beep just like the blue and green signals of my Celcom Broadband. Very unpleasing. And it is so disturbing to accept the fact that my Strawberry Factory is running out of puree.

But here I am, hale and hearthy and as I said to Asma’; I'm working for the best and red-est strawberry puree. And amazingly, without having to rely on a cup of caffeinated drink. So people, raise up your hands and scream me “I’m proud of you!”. Lame. Okay. Let’s not make things lengthier that it should be. I am thinking of bringing some of the highlights from the past two weeks (am I sound like Cat Deeley presenting on Season Finale of SYTYCD?).

Last Friday, I went to watch Inception at Pavilion, together with two of my sweethearts; Alia and Aisyah. The movie, that has become a major topic of two thumbs-up quality since the first day of its premiere was not an overrated tall tale after all. The movie was, indeed, four thumbs-up excellence (count in my feet toes) that gave me the same symptoms caffeine would cause me; brain-stimulating words and ideas. Inception is something that paraphrases “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” Dreaming is an involuntary act done in a plane where humans imagine things and sometimes, with such fear from the real world, it will jeopardize everything that you are about to see in your dreams. Similar to this movie, it had the basic idea of what dreaming is actually; fear and faith, the inception where dreams begin. Earlier before women sat down in the cinema waiting to be brain-feed by the Einsteins of the Dream World, DiCaprio is already notably known to be Women’s Choice Award for Man of Our Dreams and the reason why he is so probably because he is the sexiest man to be seen alive, with six-packs walking on Hollywood streets, after a ship crash happened a decade ago. However, speaking from my sense of attraction, I am sorry DiCaprio but I am picking up the phone for Gordon-Levitt (catch my flying kiss). This time, he has made his way, straight to my heart. After all the suffer and pain that he had during the past 500 days of summer; he deserves to be my Mr. Autumn :) So again, congratulations Inception :)

Yesterday, I had my Arabic class and I thought it was the best Arabic class I have ever attended so far. Before I proceed, on last Monday, I did my Arabic oral and would like to thank to my senior roommate, Kak Fasihah who helped me translating the text for the presentation. I’m not going to say the test went bad, or okay or well but I’d say that I am proud with myself for being able to pull it through, in Arabic :) Okay, back to where was I just now. Yesterday, Ustazah Marsufah wanted us to fill in the time by playing Scrabble; Arabic Scrabble. It sounded and looked hard at first but slowly, we began to understand how the game is played in Arabic and we had a very good time passing the Arabic Oxford from hands to hands, searching for the letters that could best suit the ones that were already on the game and of course, some cheatings :) These were the words that my team had came up with.

We scored good and I am planning to buy myself one of those games and play it with my brothers once I return home. Since Fahmi also learns Arabic, so he could be a very challenging opponent. By only playing a game that requires no heavy and thick textbooks but thin board and cute little tiles, very pleasureable to play and no banging head on the wall, it still helps to improve my Arabic vocabulary. So Srabble is a worth-taking investment that promises you good grades :)

This morning, I attended my Tilawah class held at Edu and I learnt something exciting about the lexicography of Arabic words, and this is one of the things I remember lectured by Ustaz regarding the word heart (Qalbun). The reason why Arabic names heart as qalbun is because: Qalbun has many derivations and one of them is iqlab which means to change, and the nature of human’s heart is that, it changes. As said by Muslim scholar; it is not heart if it doesn’t change. I am so amazed by the beauty of Arabic language. How intricate is the language that it gives every sound, every word, every derivation a complete meaning that refers back to the origin of its nature. Islam is a religion that goes along with humans’ natures, and that’s include the Language of Paradise :)

One minute left to seven and my senior rommates have arrived back with plastics of foods from the bazaar. I should go and give them my hands preparing the food and drink. I have been serving them a jug of my pink guava puree or sometimes, my Calamansi plum and I am glad they love drinking them. Enough with Blogger, better get going now.

To all Muslims, Selamat Berbuka, Ramadhan Mubarakh :) Xx.

Strawberries. What else could it be?

2010-07-31T05:05:00.000-07:00

Hello Saturday-lovers!

This morning, I attended my first Study Circle session that was held at EDU LR 8. During this very first session, the Sister who facilitates us throughout this semester, Kak Nurul Huda, asked us to draw anything, anything that would best describe us as what we would want others to recognize us. So as everyone started grabbing their pencil cases and searching for pens or pencils, I remembered about the same thing Miss Sheena had asked us to do last week. I wanted to draw two couple dancing on stage, but later I realized that this is not ENGLxxxx class but a CCHSxxxx class and we are expected to convey the finest Islamic exemplary (or at least, something decent) to the class. So I gave them a Strawberry. We were also requested to talk a bit about the objects drawn; what do the objects have to do with our personalities?

This is what I drew. My Pink Strawberry:

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

And my amplifications are:

Strawberries are not my favorite fruits. They are adorable as fruits and that might be one of the reasons why I address myself as one. I continued… strawberries are the fruits of summer. They grow ripest and finest in summer. I explained to them how much I love daydreaming about myself being in a place where ordinary humans couldn’t even think of reaching, especially at their normal hours (being ordinary). When I daydream, I would see myself being in a place where summer is always available, together with greeny, greeny grass as carpet, very comfy to lay down and very earthy for me to step on, barefooted. A place of summer where have lavenders tickling my feet and sounds of waterfalls nearby, the splash of water and drops of the remaining falls from the rocks above the small water pools; a place of summer where have sun shining at its brightest and me, being happy and cheerful about what is going on around, with flip-flop and yellow dress, running while jumping and singing Summer Breeze by Jason Mraz.

Strawberries are the exact translation of happiness and cheerfulness. If you have a dictionary of words, meanings and pictures, strawberries would appear at every page of synonymous words to happy and its derivations. Because they are red and super super delicious red, my mouth usually welcomes strawberries with a very big smile instead of an opening of mouth just for the sake of fitting it into my mouth, down the trachea and down my third belly.

Strawberries are red, just as they are known and seen as. They are very red in colour and their identity stays even after they are transformed into something else. Strawberries are lovelier as desserts, drinks, yogurts, main course, smoothies, cakes, breads, you name it. But the thing that makes strawberries stand out better than most of other fruits is, their colour that stays. You see something red or pink on the plate or inside a glass, you wouldn’t say or ask, is it a rhubarb? Wouldn’t you? No, kan? You would ask, oh, if this is not strawberry, I wonder what else could be this red. See? So my point is: you would want others to recognize you, your existence even if the weathers are jeopardizing the sights from seeing you in DSLR quality clear sharp, people would still be able to point out at you, and say, that’s you! Just like me, I want others to recognize me as Fatin Husni, not, oh, she’s a friend of my friend who befriends with that woman. My ID must be in red, for others to see better and in order to do so, I need to give out something purely extracted from me. As I grow wiser, I have learned that A is not just an alphabet; –A and A are two very distinctive alphabets, and minus will forever be a minus. My extract is, -A. For now.

To finish, I added about myself being a fan to English cook/food. English and pancakes are the paraphrase of Da Vinci and Mona Lisa while pancakes and strawberries are the further translation of English. Having an English breakfast is all I have been yearning for every morning. Sitting on the wooden chair, by the window, in a cabin at England’s warmest countryside is just too spectacular for me to vision everyday. With strawberries, everything is tolerable :)

And Strawberry Factory? Naaaah, I’m just too fat to run that factory. So that is why I choose to publish the products of the factory on Blogger :)

My name is Fatin and I can be a florist

2010-07-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

You know what is really killing me right now? Admitting the fact that you can find me sleeping practically at any hour or time; no matter the sun is rising or setting, or no matter the stars are appearing bright or dimmed or no matter what kind of no matters you would think of – you would see me in bed, sleeping and snoring like a little squirrel who just knew the meaning of hibernating in winter. Oh my God, this is getting serious. It's okay if I sleep for two hours once in a while, even if it is at the wrong time – yes, it's ow-kay! But if it goes up until nine hours, or more? No! The little Me inside would go and cry out loud to everyone telling that this is not okay! And it doesn’t happen once in a week or once in one day but it happens every time I close my eyes and this morning, I woke up at 3, realising that I accidentally slept for hours after I made a promise to rest my body only for 15 minutes. Sigh.

Let’s just move on. Shall we?

This morning, I woke up as early as I could; ignoring the fact that today is Friday. Tilawah class was at 10. Me and girlfriend, Alia, attended the class, chit-chatted on our way to the class, and continue talking while our Ustaz was turning over the pages of his Kitab, while walking to the Darul Kutub, to the library, to the parking side, on our ride to D’Mamak, while waiting for our two packets of Maggie to come, while walking back to the car, we… we talked. As suspected by three quarter of the world’s population, women do talk more than men; a theory that when presented in front, typical women who wear lip gloss or lip balm as daily basis would look at each other, smile, wave their hands and whisper in silence, “DUDE, LOOK AT US. WE’RE ROCK!”

Apart from being a rocker, I am also notoriously known for being a Hindi lover slash revolutioner. A week ago, I was denched in the coldness of San Francisco city, as Karan Johar and his entire Yash Johar production took me to witness, one of his two thumbs-up quality role-and-action, My Name Is Khan. Stared by the amazing and never-immune-to-awards Shah Rukh Khan, the movie taught me that simple, clear, non-metaphoric message delivered by a man with an autism alert sometimes, mean more than a composed love letter sent by a pure linguist to a full-time poet. When I saw the review made for this movie a year ago, I was informed that this movie would be a number dissimilar to the previous movies Karan has made. My eyeballs went motionless every time Rizvan Khan (excuse me. it’s from the epligottis - “khan”. Haha) was on screen, running away from seeing anything in yellow, trying to impress Mandira as simple as telling no lies, walking from left to right and back from left to right thinking about what does it mean by an apple to his eyes when never in his entire life, to see someone owning a pair of eyes that could fit an apple.

Asperger’s Syndrome is not something new to me. When I was in high school, my family subscribed me to be a member of Reader’s Digest and one day, they sent me a collection of four written Best-Sellers compiled all together in one book. The only book that I managed to read without noticing that Cikgu Bibi Zaitun was already in the class, ready to crack the class wall with her jokes was The Incident of a Dog in the Night-time written by Mark Haddon. Surprisingly, later afterwards, I was more than elated to find out from Shah Rukh that the book which caught his attention when he was in London was the same book by Haddon I read. Would that be a YES to our long-distance chemistry bonding? YES! In this book, Christopher Booner is a genius little kid who suffers from the same genetic disorders as Rizvan. Hence, being a fan to this book, I am certain that Shah Rukh was proud to carry such a role although it is far away from Veer Pratap Singh in Veer Zaara or Aman Mathur in Kal Ho Na Ho and he surely did not have any problem imagining himself as Christopher, similar to what Haddon had described as in his book. However, with such competing role pulled by Aamir Khan in 3 Idiots, it is hard for me to foresee who could be on stage receiving the next Best Actor Award. Both Khans have their own people voicing out and voting for them. So Shah Rukh, best of luck! :)

This post is getting longer than I planned it to be. I am logging out in few minutes, the connection is getting slower and slower and the light is playing me red light. Irritating. Yes, it is.

Just a random note ending today’s post: I’m tired of having crush on someone and having to press on the self-destroy button at the back of my neck after finding out from someone that he is Cinderella’s boyfriend. No one has ever had a crush on me so it is better for me to start working on something explosively big and flowery. It has been a dream for every little girl to be a princess and riding on a white horse or fairy-made chariot from orange pumpkin planted in her very own backyard. When turning older, for every woman to see herself in beautiful white wedding gown, with layers of English-tailored lace held by tiny little princesses behind, standing in front of three tiers of wedding cake and, and…

Okay. Time’s out. Bye.

Save the last dance for me

2010-07-24T18:57:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning looking at my laptop that has been there on the table, left opened and on-ed for the downloading process to go on. I went to see how much have the shows are already downloaded and yes, good improvements really made my day :) I smiled, just imagining how pretty I was with that curve on my face though the hair I had at that instant would have turned down the tiara I should have won for being the prettiest. Because the hair was freaking frizzy and messy, that kind of look you would see when fat grumpy Mama Jenny just got up from her bed.

I signed in to my Yahoo Mail to see if there is any new e-mail sent by Facebook or Blogger but there wasn’t any. I wanted to carry on crawling to the pillows in bed and shrinking myself under the comforter but well yeah, I continued clicking and clicking until I reached my blog. I read the previous I posted six hours ago and I felt like yearning for more. It doesn’t matter if it has to be a routine that takes place for ten to fifteen minutes, I just don’t care. I wanted to post something, severely wanted to write something so here I am, playing with some words.

As for I am already here, I wanted to post a poem I made, for my Poetry class with Miss Sheena. A week ago, she asked us to give the class a word describing ourselves; one simple word that would be a massive representative of ourselves to the whole world. I chose the word samba just because I thought I loved that style very much. Yes, I am. Honestly, I wanted to give out something, something that represents me better like; Bollywood or paranoid but I was scared about the response I would get. Later after everyone finished the diction, Miss Sheena stood up with a paper in his hand and said, for the people with these words that she is about to mention, we have to make a poem based on the words we’ve chosen. Less than a minute later, I heard something but it certainly not sambal or sambal belacan. It was said, clean and clear – samba.

So I stayed up the next day until morning and composed this:

There are numbers I count but not Mathematics,

There is something I wear better than my lipsticks,

One, two, three, step! And she twirls,

Four, five, six, seven, eight and her skirt swirls.

Samba, samba, oh boy, close your mouth,

Can you see there is fire burning under her heels?

That melts the entire stage from north to south,

And the climate changes that your skin peels.

Sadly, that is me I see in my dream,

The dream that can only be seen when I am alone,

To become as hot as Mexican tamale when I am just as mild as English cream,

To dance samba when I am here still struggling with the allophone.

With bangles that have been on my wrist for all this while,

Sometimes they clang, just like the way I would dance,

A composed music similar to the heartbeat of Brazilian streets,

And slowly I slip into my golden dream and turn every eye into a glance.

With love, xx.

P/s: Yes, this post was written early this morning but sucky connection made the posting attemps failed and saved into draft instead.

What a lovely day I had this morning!

2010-07-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

It is normal to hear sorry for disappearing or sorry for the disappearance in the first sentence of the post written and posted after your last update dated back, a few weeks ago. As I am sticking to the point, I am not going to write it down. Okay, there you go my introductory sentence. Ahaah! I have been trying to extract each and every word I have in every corner on the left hemisphere of my brain but apparently, it ended up with six drafts with bodies of the first point hanging, no closing. Let us hope that this time, it closes properly.

Hi dear Bloggerville! It is nice that my fingers have finally able to exercise themselves on the letter keys. These ten little fellas have been amazing acting as the transmitters, transmitting each of the stories inside my brain to the laptop and finally to the web. Thank you :) These days, I have been busy creating something calls life; buzzing the world with the downloads I watch, climbing seven to eight trees to meet with some lovely birds along with the stories I gather during the outings, rushing like one of the final three on the season finale of Amazing Race from one lecture in HSC to another in ADM, and snorkeling into cold blue oceans in search for the world’s sexiest merman. Yes, that busy! And because of that, I will try to deliver the bits in a simpler tune.

Last weekend, the six of us (me, Halimah, Asma’, Ali, Amirul and Hafiz) hit the coldness of Genting for a terrific one day outing. Spending hours on the top of the hill, accompanied by the coolest butts around at one of the coolest peaks in Malaysia is a story that can’t be found in Cinderella or The Sleeping Beauty. The outing went well, the screams and sounds from the railways up above my head really freaked the hell out of me and the moments oh, they tasted just like Jamie’s grade A strawberries. We shall pay for another visit next time, as everyone wants it to be two days and one night at the hotel. In bed with girlfriends, talking about how awesome is the day we just have, waking up the next day with the coldness that would freeze the hearts of the broken-hearted lovers and sipping a cup of creamy hot tea for breakfast like a true English. Oh dear :)

The lectures have started to heating things up, though. This semester, the gaps I have in between the classes have contributed to the only reason of my regular visits to the library. I have the lowest credit hours ever that even the next seventh generation of me would never going to repeat it. However, I should not kid about it since I am taking Arabic for the third level when everything that was taught by Ustaz Bahri and Ustazah Asyikin at the Foundation Centre has almost petered out. So I am back to the boarding board, struggling like a newborn baby trying to understand A Midsummer's Night Dream by Shakespeare.

Subheadline: My Bahasa Melayu lecture is super duper cute! Elaboration: She skipped the first session just because she went to Pasar to find her loss-love cat. She told us the story again and again when we first met during the second session the session ended with "lepas ni saya nak balik, saya nak pergi balik tempat tu cari." She even asked everyone in the class what would be the best option if situations force us to dispose cats, how many cats do we have and what are the possibilities for her cat to survive at the market? And the funniest thing about that is when she added, “takpe lah. Ini pun komunikasi jugak. Kita kan BM komunikasi.” When she didn’t show up for the next session, I had a funny feeling that she was somewhere around the locations given by her imformers to search for her cat and guess what? – Yes, she did! While we were waiting outside the class on last Thursday morning, we bumped into some of her students who were with her during the 8-to-9 session and I asked something about, “has she started briefing about the syllabus yet?” and they answered yes together with, “ada lagi pasal kucing” and we were like, “ada lagi?!”. We came into the classroom and she gave us the best introductory sentence I have ever heard, “saya dah jumpa kucing saya. Saya ponteng tiga ke empat kelas entah, cari. Jumpa jugak. Ishk, gembiranya saya! Tak sia-sia saya ponteng class hari tu. And the class ended with the best wrap up ever, you couldn't laugh for more, "Nanti kalau hari kamu present, kamu tak boleh datang sebab kucing kamu sakit ke, hilang ke, kusut fikiran nak buat presentation, bagitau saya. Boleh saya postpone ke hari lain” .

God bless you, Cikgu!

The third week of the semester starts on Monday. Sixteenth days have passed by and happy to tell you that I have started to get accustomed living a life with NO TV. Since technology gives me internet, the downloads are everywhere, just a click away. I am happy. As simple as it sounds, as simple as it is to change. Every semester has its own stories. Semesters are planes of plans. Only time will let us know what are they since semesters don’t blog about their plans. I am tired of making mistakes and whining about how things could have been better if I was not this clumsy or careless. Everything has got to be okay.

So here I am, dropping with a hammer, ringing with thunders. Xx.

P/s: Didn't I tell you, that my parents are the best persons in the world?

2010-07-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hello afternoon-in-Gombak,

Today is Day 2 and as I vaguely expected yesterday, it could be better today. I tried to blog last night but nothing came up. The overflowing adrenaline during the Add/Drop Session felt like being in the first row in a battle field. There is no such thing as I managed to add all the subjects I want if you’re really a student of IIUM. If there is any, as said by Prof. Charlie Eppes, the possibility to get such kind of results is very low, almost like impossible for us to get a hit. Three courses out of seats; the same three courses I tried to add in four months ago and they are already closed since the first day of pre-registration. So manually it is. Don’t worry Fatin. Remember, aal izz well.

Yesterday was very blue for yellow. I didn’t have interest to start the day, the weather was bad, thunders and lightening at nightfall really scared the hell out of me. There was no one at this level and plus, my level is the highest level hence, the feeling of being a leading role in a horror movie, the scene when the heroine is left alone in a building and the rain starts to pour heavily, together with some lightings and scary sounds that could get pregnant mothers big heart attack seemed so real, couldn't agree more. Or, am I exaggerating the situation? Whatever it is, I was down in the dumps. I couldn’t smile or laugh just like what I did when I saw CSI Hodges tried to make up I’m-the-hero elements in his stories and the worst thing that happened yesterday was; I couldn’t even enjoy Pitbull’s I know You Want Me! If Fatin Husni doesn’t enjoy the song, it means, the world is temporarily shut down.

However, today feels different. Woke up in the morning and I didn't feel like P. Diddy and I did my web based course registration. Hours earlier, I texted Kak Mar informing her about compartment vacancy in this room. She told me, that by this July 19th, if no one hasn’t still checked in the room, she will come to check in. Please God, make it so. I want Kak Mar to be around me once again, because she has been super duper kind and helpful to me. When things do not go well as they should be, she is always there with me, encouraging me to believe in bright hopes. That’s how I survived.

Yesterday felt short. Me and Abah took off from our house early at 5 in the morning. I gave Mom two kisses on her cheeks and I could hear her whispering, jaga diri elok-elok as I entered the car. Dad has been sick for the last three days and throughout the six hours journey from Alor Setar to Gombak, I could hear he coughed for every 15 minutes. I felt bad, really bad that I made him to drive for that long, for twice. And it went worse for me, that he only came to drop and stay with me for only one hour before he left back to Alor Star, alone.

You see, nobody could ever replace my Dad. He has sacrificed a lot for us, the family. He works very hard from, morning to evening, without complaining. He wakes up 15 minutes before Subuh and goes to Surau to wake up the entire neighborhood with Azan. He leaves house at seven with briefcase and a bag full with students’ books and comes back around one with food for lunch, Metro and Berita Harian. He pays our bills (using the money that I know, the money that's supposed to go for his new shoes or shirts or handphone), and he would make sure the five of us do well in our studies. Most of the time, he expects more from us and it, sometimes, puts my brothers and sister in pressure. But that’s what most parents do. The grades are for the latter use and with such expectation he has on us, the last thing we would want is, red marks on our report cards. I love my Dad. I am not very good at daughter-and-father thing. In fact, both of us kept quiet for the whole journey – no exaggeration. But I know, deep inside, he wanted me to talk and at the same time, he did not know what to talk. But what we both know is, we love each other.

I arrived in Gombak at 11.15 AM. The staffs in Mahallah Office were having their late breakfast and were surprised to see me coming back two days earlier. They took about 15 minutes making calls and at last, they said to me that I can check in as a renter for RM3.50 per day and instead of giving me check in slip, they gave me a rental slip. I walked into my room and I sensed déjà-vu. This semester, I am staying in the same room, the same compartment as I was in my previous semester. The room was empty as I placed in my belongings.

The study desk was facing the wall on the left side before I moved it to the window and the chair was on it when I arrived.

The bags and boxes I brought this time. Trust me, there are more of my boxes left in the store room.

Gave it some cleaning, unpacked my bags.

The blue and yellow curtain my Mom made for me. I love you Mom, more than for being an amazing Mom!

You could find a better locker than mine. Strange, this semester, I have many empty spaces left in my locker even after I unpacked my belongings.

Take note of the dekstop background (Kourtni from SYTYCD season 4), two concentrated cordials (sour plum Calamansi and pink guava from Nutrifres), Munchy's Oat Crunchy and Brown Rice Instant Cereal from Nature's Own inside the wooden box.

I brought Charmed Season 5 and 6 with me. I’m done downloading Sherlock Holmes while Robin Hood, the last four episodes of So You Think You Can Dance (including season 5 finale) and CSI Trilogy are still downloading. That would be the best cure ever. I have to go now. Need to work on my new smiles. My face tone looks dull and how I wish I could have my Nivea Orange facial mask with me right now.

Will update you later. Have good Saturday everyone. X.

Take it, or leave it

2010-07-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm currently blogging from Gombak campus, to be exact; inside my room - alone. The connection is temptating my patience. With such little coverage, it is impossible for me to blog. This post was written by me yesterday:

Strange and unbelievable. This is all I can say right now. How the time leaves us in hurry, almost leaving behind all memories we have had in the past three months of holidays. I feel very sad, gloomy, cheerless and they almost make my heart turns sensible to nothing but sadness.

I know I have challenged the Mother Nature to give me their highest waterfalls. I was too confident about believing that this coming semester to be a battle for me to win. Or perhaps, I was pretending to be one but inside, only God knows how reluctant I am to returning back to Gombak. How disheartening I am, having to let go of the things I enjoy most – being home.

Sooner or later, I will have to face the days that I am going to live in. The days where I can no longer wake up in mornings and check my favourite programmes on today’s guide. I can no longer wake up on Mondays and be all over excited screaming on my Twitter page, because it’s Monday and I love every Monday when I am at home. I can no longer have my dog fights with Fahim over the TV remote and secretly hide it from him inside my underwear box. I can no longer hear Mary Murphy screaming for her Hot Tamale Train for the dancers on So You Think You Can Dance. I can no longer rush all the way from kitchen with my strawberry ice cream to sit in front of the TV while watching Mr. Sheffield says I love you to Nanny Fine and takes it back later. I can no longer listen to my Mom nagging at me every time when I move the couch closer to the TV and forget to place it back. I can no longer show my annoying faces to Dik Hah every time when she tries to act like a woman and scold me like my Mom does. I can no longer have her to pull my hair and whack me on my arm every time when I try to tweet about her being stinky and messy. I can no longer go on about the hair do they did on Brother Eppes and Colby Granger. I can no longer watch Det. Mac Taylor and Det. Don Flack chase after the bad guys in the NY alleys during a murder investigation (and I can’t even watch them solving the compass killer case!) And I have missed Leverage season finale and CSI Trilogy in July. Damn you AXN! Why must you make July has never been this awesome when I have already off from TV? See? I can no longer do all that. Too bad, too bad! TV is my life. Without TV, I am just like a little Andy without his toys :'(

I foresee ugly days that are coming ahead. I know I shouldn’t plant the seeds of negativity in me. I should become like flowers in morning - blossoming, pretty and fresh. As the morning shift workers passing through them, they see a lot of bright chances and beauty hours. I tried to drag myself away from everything that could discourage me; sorrow songs, unhappy lyrics and home-sweet-home thing, but I can’t.

I know one day, I will manage to pull it off. I know I will, because I am strong and bearable to any challenges but this leaving feels so new that I can’t make up even a single reason for me to smile. I know the journey that is going to take me for the next four months is going to be tough and rough, but as they said, a star always appears at its brightest in the darkest night. I’ll be bright like the brightest star in Milky Way Galaxy, I’ll be golden like the shiniest jewelry Cleopatra had ever wore, I’ll be smiling again, just like the smile of Amelia Vega when she was crowned as 2002 Miss Universe years ago and I’ll be happy again, as happy as the Germans after they beat England and Argentina with four goals. I'll be bold, as bold as the pencil Da Vinci used to draw. Just, make things quick. I wish I could wake up the next day, tear of October 2010 calendar and welcome November 2010. I’ll be patient, I’ll stop complaining.

November, come quick. I want to be at home with my family and kiss the remote again.

High waters don't scare me

2010-07-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends,

It has been a very long holiday since April. Only a few days are left before everything starts to be back according to the schedule. A few tiny little things here are still incompleted. I have reactivated my Celcom broadband a day ago, my bag packs are still hidden somewhere in the boxes and I need to load in them with clothes and items needed for Gombak. Fahim’s condition is starting to fret my Mom hence; the whole family (except Fahmi and Faris) went out to a homeopathy pharmacy near Jalan Teluk Wanjah yesterday to get him medical attention. According to doctor, the pimples on his face are not early symptoms anymore. She gave him six types of medicine; including a face soap that to be applied daily at nights. Fahim didn’t look happy seeing packets of medicine on the counter desk, especially after being told that he can no longer have chicken, egg, seafood and caffeinated products for three months at least. My family has been relying on homeopathic medication since ages and I had been on that once, but I stopped after one bottle. Reason; I need Nescafe. While I was writing down my things-to-do list, I realized how things have grown up. I have grown up (or is growing up) and so as the surroundings.

Last semester was my first year being in Gombak campus. Being in International Islamic University Malaysia was not an option that the sixteenth year old Fatin Husni would choose. If it wasn’t because of my ex who wanted me to be near his campus, I could perhaps, have my pre-university in Keat Hwa Secondary School for Form 6. We broke up two years ago and his name is no longer seen on my daily pages and even if there is any, it would be in past tense. I didn’t have any regret for breaking up with him. I should be lucky, because the next time when I meet another guy, remind me that he is not the type who, sya x bleh panggil awk Fatin sbb kta bkn lg kapel. huhuhu~

Honestly.

There are so many things I wish I could bring them here on Blogger. This whole idea of writer-block is certainly not a mythical belief after all. But it does not worry me, not at all; it’s the prospect of coming back to Gombak that makes me sit uncomfortably. Last semester, many good things happened. I was so excited with my new surroundings; the classes, the morning-to-morning schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays, hanging around with the coolest friends, watching movies and window shopping with Alia and Aimi at Pavilion, last-minute getaway to Genting, the lecturers, new HS friends and so much more little-to-big things that lose me in counts. Everything was so perfect, though I had to juggle from department to department, from photocopy shop to Deputy Dean’s desk and from one phone call to another regarding my PTPTN. I felt so helpless every time I had to call/text my parents to bank in my allowance. It was supposed to be the moment when the family budget should only go to schooling my sister and brothers, not after-school me. What Alia and her family had given me is something that I will never forget. It was a bright blessing in my darkest hours. Thank you ♥

My academic performance did not disappoint me, surprisingly speaking. I had a great time being in all the classes. Cikgu Khalifah made me fell in love again with the beauty of Bahasa Melayu, Linguistics had never been anything other than awe-inspiring, crucial religious issues were brought up into my IRK discussions and that’s the reason why I always proud to tell everyone that I am an IIUM student. The Islamic courses are the extra supplements that grow me wiser and sensible.

The journey of self-surviving went smooth. That’s what I thought, until a few days before I had my final. If you’re trained under Military Special Forces, you will learn that the most crucial and dangerous part of surviving yourself in the jungle when your enemies are after you is not when you are finding your way out; but when you are a few steps away from reaching the helicopter sent to save you. These last few minutes is the most crucial time as your enemies will come out from their hiddings and ambush you with bullets. The same thing happened to me. I was really confident that I'd end my first semester blissfully, but what I didn't know is: the last minute call that would draw me to the edge. Not many knows what had actually happened. I had been entering the wrong section throughout the semester. I should be in Dr. Israar Khan’s session learning Prophetic History, but with heedless surety, I went to Mdm. Asiah Yaacob’s session. I tried to take the responsibility by blaming myself for the complication I faced. I knew I deserved a few slaps on my face for being too careless but it was hard for me to do so. I lost 20% from the final evaluation. I didn’t chip on my shoulder or blame anyone for that (though at first, I blamed others for not giving me a second chance). I realised that thing just meant to happen. Alhamdulillah, I didn’t fail the subject. Again, it was a shining moment in my darkest hours.

Now, July has come. My second year is just a few days away and I can already hear some of the great minds are calling for my name. This coming semester, I will still be enrolling in Dr. Asiah’s class and hopefully, the perception she had on me before the incident happened hasn't changed for a bit. I hope my days in Gombak are pleasant enough to justify my existence and I trust my friends not to hold any unfairness in tolerating with my new look (which is, 3 kilos heavier). I am not praying for things to be all okay, because I now such kind of last-minute incident will still happen anyway. But I can assure you, at the end of the day, everything will be just fine for me to smile; because it has always been like that, always :-) I'm ready to break both my legs and I promise that this new semester, I'll only bite things that are chewable for me to swallow.

So Niagra Falls, bring me your highest water!

"Mom, I've finished my homework. Can I watch the TV now?"

2010-06-30T00:47:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were a little, say; seven or eight year old maybe? You would stop playing at the play ground, grab your bicycle and rush all the way home just to watch your favorite shows or cartoons on TV? I remember running out from my Fardu Ain class (which ended at 5), be the first one to reach my bicycle and be at home before 5.15, just because I didn’t want to miss Westlife’s Uptown Girl on NTV7. They usually played the video clip since the 4.30-to-5.30 telenovela ended 15 minutes earlier and the soundtrack was just a new hit on the town back then.

I did not really watch cartoons when I was a kid. I watched, but not as constantly as Fahim and Faqihah have with Spongebob Squarepants and Fairly Odd Parents on Nickelodeon. If I had been in front of the screen for cartoons, that would be only for Dragon Ball, Hey Arnold!, and Pokemon, but it was all started only when I was eleven or twelve. I have been figuring out this whole morning, what did I actually watch back then? My parents didn’t scold me for spending too long in front of the TV if it wasn’t because of the TV shows. So I started processing a few words in Word and browsing on Google Images, see if I could recall any.

Guess what? It worked! When I was in primary school, I watched,

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. And,

Xena: The Warrior Princess.

Oh my God, how much I wanted to be like Xena! I never missed, not even for one episode. She made me felt strong, she made me went on to a chair in my classroom and jump out of it with a 2B pencil in my hand while everyone else was staring at me. From her terrific skills of fighting, the race she had with Callisto, the friendship she had with Gabrielle,

and the secret affair between her and Hercules, to her round golden boomerang that every of her enemies wanted to steal, until the sound she made when she was fighting; the voice that could terrify the whole unit of Greek armies – aya aya aya ayaya! Just name it. While the other girls wanted to be Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty, me, on the other hand, wanted to be Princess Xena!

There is no way I could forget him,

Matthew Poretta from The New Adventures of Robin Hood.

He is the first man I had my crush on, the man who stole my heart and took it to Sherwood Forest in England, the man who taught me the words bow and arrow and what does archery mean. I couldn’t say Oh Robin Hood. When I look at you, my heart beats so fast that I skip ten breathings in one second when I was nine ( since the only words I knew were heart, you, ten, one and second. Hence, with such limited vocabulary I couldn’t make up the sentence properly) but now I am saying this out loud: Oh Robin Hood. When I look at you, my heart beats so fast that I skip ten breathings in one second!

I will never going to forgive myself if I didn’t add in this one.

The Charmed Ones.

Are you kidding me? I still watch this show, up until now. From the season when the three of them found out the secret Book of Shadows hidden in the attic, to the season when Prue started dating Andy, to the season when Piper finally knew Leo was actually a whitelighter, to the season when Phoebe killed Cole for the first time until the season when Chris came from the future to save Wyatt from turning evil; give me one reason why I must stop watching this show. I love Piper.

She is humble in her character. Not too bold as Prue, not too sexy as Phoebe and not too beautiful as Paige. She is, bold, sexy in her own way and beautiful. No extra adjectives.

And how could I don't wanna be a UFO? How could I don't want to be a girlfriend of an alien from another space? At that time, everyone wanted to be UFOs. Because of them,

Roswell.

And how could I, at certain time, hate UFOs? Maybe, Agent Mulder and Agent Scully could explain to me why.

The X-Files.

Me and Faris were united because of this show. Every time when he wanted to hit me with his toys, this trick always worked on him; Adik, malam ni ada X-Files and he would, Betul? and like usual, forgot about the toys in his hands. Hehehe. Remember the X-Files' theme song? Whooooo, spooky. My hairs went straight, honestly.

From where did I learn the words homecoming queen, cheer leader and prom? From this show,

Popular.

Sometimes I adored Brooke McQueen, but most of the times, I found myself more to Sam McPherson. But there's one thing that I love most about the show; their toilet. Their toilet was so beautiful, in fact, too beautiful for a toilet. Their wall was full with photos of the past homecoming queens and they had a couch in their toilet?! Wow. The place where all the school gossips were stolen and passed from ears to ears, the place where real drama began to explode.

Get ready for this; my all time favorite up until this particular minute,

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

Please, don’t make me elaborate, because it would take the whole Strawberry Factory to finish. August 30, 2002, 11.30 PM, 30 minutes before the stadium launched the fireworks celebrating the Merdeka day, a few weeks before I had my UPSR trial, the episode when a female body was found under someone’s house (the owner wanted to fix the pipe, he went to the basement and found her finger bones coming out from the wall) and Grissom called his friend to mold the face of the victim – MY FIRST TIME, FIRST EPISODE OF CSI.

If the reason how on earth I could ask, Did you watch Teletubies yesterday? when I was ten, it must be because of TV. TV has been very helpful in building up my vocabulary. So why should I stop watching TV now?

TV is my life; always been, always has. Period.

P/s: I don't really agree with what Astro is doing with BM-to-English switch button. My brothers and sister prefer to watch the cartoons in BM audio. How they are going to learn English after their school hour when this is awesome! is taught as ini sangat bagus! ? Malay subtitles would be better.

A breakfast talk

2010-06-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

Good morning hermosas,

Accompanied by a mug of warm, creamy cappuccino and two packets of crispy pumpkin seeds biscuits, I am ready to give a hello to my morning. Hello! I am having my eyes on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, where the guy I admire is introducing me to Mexico. I missed the parts when he went to local restaurants and when he talked with the natives about this spooky ritual; dolls hanged on tree branches like they have been left there to die. Anthony has the things I have been dreaming all this while. He has a few columns in the international magazines where he writes about his exquisite experience travelling on different regions on this planet.

As I speak, he is hosting a travelling show on Travel and Living; a position everybody should be envy with.

It is remarkable how much a device called television can inspire me to dream and being very ambitious towards my future. Decades ago, to make the entire human kinds being inspired by their inventions might not be one of the objectives that the scientists aiming to when they invented a TV. I wake up and finish my chores early in the morning just to butt in front of the TV (and watching it, or course). I can also say that I wake up early just to ensure I won’t miss my breakfast. This must be a very odd statement to the old Fatin Husni. I started living a healthy morning two years ago, which is; to make sure I will have my breakfast ready by 9 in the morning or I will have a moody day. Years back, I would never say YES to breakfast; even for a cup of Milo. It all changed after Mdm. Azimah (my Lingustic lecturer) told me about the upshot of not eating well breakfast; brain cells damage.

Life Unexpected on Hallmark’s Crazy, Sexy and Beautiful is absolutely a take-my-breath-away show.

When the media introduced the show as Junior-meets-Gilmore Girls, I was pretty sure I had the right picture how the story would look like but I never thought it could be this beautiful. Shiri Appleby had this very familiar to heart face that I could not put my finger on it at first, but I figured later when I Wiki-ed her previous career. She was my favourite Liz Parker on Roswell! I love the whole environment where the setting took place; simple but convincing, bright but not too fancy and sweet but not overdone. If anyone would want to guess what kind of character I am, you can add the descriptions because that’s the life I want to be in. If anyone had seen last week’s episode: the room Cate Cassidy remodeled for Lux is oh, can you make one for me, pleaase :-(. The door is attached to the ground floor’s ceiling and all you have to do is: pull out the rope and voila! – a ladder comes to take you up, just like a secret door to a princess’ heaven.

A couple days ago, I saw Maya Karin on the local headlines. She looked very beautiful dressing herself in pink kurung and white scarf. This is not the first time I saw Maya wearing a scarf. Seeing her wearing blue scarf on Celcom’s billboard is something I would usually see here. She was leaving the court together with her husband and according to what is written by the reporters: the hearing is still on. I am getting scared knowing the fact that relationships are more fragile than what I thought they are. Even a married couple who have been together for more than 5 years can end up in court. I can’t imagine how my future is going to shape; solid or weak; smooth or bumpy. Life is a real series of unexpected events. The things that you enjoy most today can be the reasons to your complains tomorrow, the people who compliment you today can be the people who slam you tomorrow, the person who you adore today can be the person who you don't want to see tomorrow, you can be everyone's favourite this week but you can also end up being in the bottom three next week (and why I suddenly sound like Cat Deeley on Thursday SYTYCD's elimination week? Haha). But whatever it is, you don't wanna bet on what comes next, unless you are Phoebe Halliwell who can foresee the future. But as said by Aamir Khan; with such fear of tomorrow, how will you live for today?

It’s true. I just have to believe in God, strive for what’s left and grow my life bigger.

Happy days everyone, xx.

Little things I dream

2010-06-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

You know, I have always had this passion to do great things. Great things like the things I have been saying many times on blog; how much I want to be this and that,;want this and that and to be like one of those people I see on television and programmes I like. Sometimes, I feel like fast-forward-ing my life to the moments when I have already grown up to be the woman I see at nights before sleep. One of the things I see is this:

A spread columns in magazines or newspapers. With my name on it and a caption below my picture which says: Fatin Husni; historian, freelance writer and traveler. How cool is that! I want to be seen on television walking besides Don Wildman and see with my very own eyes those ancient cities, eating fresh caterpillars and sleeping on leaves-and-wooden branches-made beds with Bear Grylls in Guatemala, picking the ripest strawberries and lemons with Jamie Oliver planted outside his English cabin, tasting new homemade Scandinavian cheese with Tina Nordstorm and be one of the experts on Clash of the Gods. My idea of five star hotel is; water-proof tent, hunting knife, cricket sounds and lighting up a fire using dried bushes and woods in jungles. Brilliant!

I want to be seen on pages of columns with my writing on it, my signature and written by Fatin Husni in smaller font right after the headlines. Writing interesting things e.g: movie or book reviews like the one I wrote for 3 Idiots and Suzzane's Diary for Nicholas OR which country I was in last week, finger-licking desserts from Syrian's streets OR new summer collection from local boutiques OR what's hot on History and Discovery Channel, a few little things, here and there going on this planet :D

I'm not gonna lie to you. I like to have my own privacy setting but most of myself want to be recognised. I want my face to be recognised and I want to be not-so-famous, at least to have 1000+ followers on my Twitter account and send me tweets every time when I show up on public screens. Yes, you can call me anything but that's what I am. Please don't laugh or mock at me and my editing. This is just a dream. One day, I'll promise, you'll see a better ME.... :-)

Happy days everyone, xx.